late night thoughts

College is rough.

There is absolutely no doubt about that. If it isn’t stress from classes, it’s worrying about meeting deadlines for other commitments. It definitely changes you and makes you appreciate the little things in a different light. Often times, I feel as though we worry about such minuscule things and forget about the bigger picture: to better yourself and grow.

I was recently talking to a close friend about relationships and significant others. Sometimes, those thoughts arise about finding the one and I wonder if that will ever happen. I’d like to think that it will, but there is always the possibility of it not happening. It’s been a little over a year since my last relationship, and to this day I’ve felt content and happy, but I’ve recently started thinking about the concept of a relationship again.

Is it the feeling of simply being in a relationship that I miss? Or is it the concept of having that person to talk to at the end of the day, to have that person support you in your endeavors and hopes and dreams? Maybe it’s a little bit of both, but at this point, I don’t know why I can’t shake this feeling. Maybe it’s because it’s still summer and I have some free time and my thoughts wander and go to things I usually don’t have time to worry about. Not saying that relationships aren’t important, but it just really hasn’t been a priority this past year. Once fall quarter comes around, maybe my perspective and thoughts will change again.

Growing old is exciting but extremely scary at the same time. Growing old comes with more freedom, but definitely more responsibility. It requires you to analyze your life thus far and think about the future and what’s in store, if anything. Should I be at a point where I already know what I’m doing? Am I behind for still being unsure? Is it a priority to be in a relationship? Growing old has also made me come to the realization that my parents were right about almost everything they’ve lectured me about. I don’t know why as teenagers, we’re so rebellious and want to fight against the knowledge they want to instill in us, but every day, I’m learning that my parents have been right about life and relationships.

The biggest lesson that I’ve learned from my parents is that you have to put yourself and your happiness first. In high school, I’d always try to make my friends happy and put them before myself, and as much as I loved seeing them smile, I was unhappy at the end of the day. This also goes along with the lesson about not rushing into a relationship and waiting for the best to come. As lonely as it feels sometimes, time will do its job of bringing the best around. Sometimes, it’s just hard to remember that.

College throws you in situations of emotional, physical, and mental turmoil. Sometimes it seems like it’s never-ending. But having an amazing support system is what gets you through tough times like those. I don’t think I will ever have enough words to express my gratitude for the people I call my closest friends. They’ve been there for me through thick and thin, always look out for me and support me no matter the goal. And I’m beginning to understand and realize that this subconscious quest for a significant other is pointless and insignificant at this point in my life because I have a group of people whom I call friends who already do the job of supporting me in my endeavors and hopes and dreams.

Relationships are not the most important thing in my life as of right now. When it happens, it happens. And besides, I find that the best things in life are the ones that are unexpected. Until then, I’ll be focusing on bettering myself.