The Problem with starting your sentence with, “As a feminist I think…”
I was recently having lunch with some of the brightest minds in my circle. It was totally unplanned. We were walking to the mall for PNP`s famous Cream Puff and came across an amazing guy friend, who offered to buy us lunch. There were five of us: Three guys and two girls. While enjoying this unexpected turn of events, we spoke about topics of interest amongst this particular group: from education and careers to travelling to how KFC`s fried chicken tastes weird with papa-Fact! The other girl we were with was expressing her interest in mining and geology and why she wants to pursue those as a career. She said something along the lines of, “I love geology and mining because I’m a feminist. I think that more women should start getting involved in these areas.” One of the guys picked on the last part of her first statement, “are you only pursuing those because you are a feminist?”. She replied to the question, even though none of the guys around the table seemed to acknowledge her point of view on geology and mining.
I’ve come to realise people get crazy around the term “feminist”. How the term changes many people`s perspectives on those who affiliate with feminism. Feminism, for most is a term that has a rebellious association to it. A term that is used for women, yes women, who seem to want an “equal” stand with men. The phrase “seem to want an equal stand” implies on its own that there is a discrepancy in positions. That one sex stands supreme over the other, and that, in this context is the male species. When a woman attests to the term “feminist”, it seems to somehow intimidate the men around her for they seem to struggle to view women as coequals; because let’s be honest, men are generally viewed as “superior” throughout all cultures and generations. Hence, in most cultures a man`s pride is a son. This perception has been mainly tied to physical abilities, which was an important stand factor back in the days for survival; while the woman was pregnant, the man would go out to hunt. The idea was passed on generations down the history timeline; as the world evolved, men going out to pursue a career at school to support the family financially was equivalent to men going out to hunt, which then defined their manliness. This then accorded men as “superior”; men would assume the decision-making position and women take care of the “light” issues like house duties and babies. As humanity is very good at viewing some things as more important than others, this then became a man accorded world.
Therefore, when a woman seems to “seek” coequality, she stands to intimidate the manliness of a man. They are then viewed as “too powerful”, or “no marriage type” and are just generally marginalized. So then, when you as a woman, profess feminist, you are immediately viewed as such; everything you say afterwards is clouded by your stand on feminism. Look at the girl we were having lunch with. She mentioned she was feminist, and afterwards gave a valid view on the involvement of women in a predominantly male industry. None of the guys picked up on that part of her statement. They just settled on her declaration of being feminist. Had she just said, “I think that women should get involved in mining and geology,” the guys would have been quick to agree with her and in fact encourage her to move ahead with her pursuit.
Today, still, many dreams and aspirations are killed, even before they come into existence. Many of our young women are taught by either what they observe everyday or what they are blatantly told everyday by other women that they cannot become of the same position as a man: in school, or at work. They see their mothers and sisters succumb to the fear of being in a higher position or attaining higher quality education simply because they won’t have happy marriages or won’t even get married to begin with. This is ridiculous. Our girls and women need to be taught that they can become the best versions of themselves. They don’t have to deny themselves the human right of exhausting their abilities to the fullest. It is selfish of a man to want that for himself and not for another human being simply because they were born with a vagina. Women and girls should be allowed to get involved in things they love; if you love it, do it! You should not let your gender dictate what you can or cannot pursue and achieve. We need more women and girls in the sciences, in geology and mining, in architecture; same way we need more men in salons, in nursery, in tailoring, and the list goes on. Just because you are born woman does not have to limit your ability. However, starting your sentence with “As a feminist I think…” will marginalize you today.
Nevertheless, talking about such issues within our communities can influence a different, more accepting point of view. That everyone understands that not only women can be feminists, men too. Like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie suggests, we should all be feminists; both men and women. That we start understanding that being a feminist doesn’t make you any less or more “marriage material.” We need to start acknowledging people like my mother and father, who are happily married with Mother holding a Masters Degree and Father just a Degree. Levels of education do not dictate their sense of marriage, and so should not.
“My own definition is a feminist is a man or a woman, who says: yes, there`s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better” ~Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
