Two minutes to the end of the first day of Eid Mubarak. The start of people copy-pasted a broadcast message to everyone on the friend list. I was opening my twitter page when I realized the veracity of my tweet based on experience that says, “Because forgiveness is a certainty, but forgetting is a different matter.”
As Eid Al-Fitr days come, people are flocking to apologize to almost everyone that knows them. As if apologize is something obligatory to do and saying that has become very elementary. When the fact is apologizing in general is something that can be hard to some people. When they have to put aside their ego, their pride, to make amend of something that they did.
However, I’m not saying that apologizing is not important in these holy days. Apologizing and forgiving are needed to ease the relationship in turmoil. Not only to the relationship itself, but also to our peaceful and serene heart. Despite the fact that apologizing is indeed can be hard, forgiving on the other hand is pretty harder. We may say it easily that we forgive someone that has disappointed or hurt us. However, it takes process and time to forgive someone to the step that we stop bringing that briefcase in our life, or by other means forgetting them.
To forget means that we erase that part of something hurtful from history in order to move on, but that doesn’t mean that we pardon it. We just want to eliminate the memory of someone hurting us. But after a while of forgetting in silence, it’s also an act of forgiving. The irony, to forgive does not equals to forget. Let say that we forgive someone, but not often deep down we recall the memory of him crushing our heart with a hammer that the bruise is still lingered after all this time, so does the pain. Or the anger of someone who has disappointed us is still haunting, smashing down the wall of forgiveness that we just said. This is not healthy but this is what could happen to us as a human, that we can be full of undetected grudge.
I agree though with the saying “Forgive but don’t forget.” Not that I do support holding grudges but rather than forgetting, why don’t we see the mistake not for what it actually is but as a lesson. We may forget the emotion that we feel towards the mistake, but not the moment, because it is what teaches us something. It’ll happen when we no longer bring up, blaming someone or the situation that makes us hurt. Then we become grateful for everything that has happened. When we see it as a lesson, we also could prevent the same mistake to happen again. Like the quote from Paulo Coelho, the writer of one of my all time favorite books, The Alchemist that says:
“Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again.
Forgiving changes the perspectives.
Forgetting loses the lesson.”
Forgiving is hard, moreover forgetting. However, rather than forgetting, lets change our perspective instead. If you feel like you don’t do anything wrong to take a lesson from someone’s mistake, maybe the lesson for you is to be a better person. Because you know what they say about the better people, they always rises up. It’s hard too, everything related to forgiving is hard, I suppose, but believe me; it’s not impossible. Starting with our own intention to make it happen, no matter how long it would take. Because time does not heal all wounds, it’s what we do with time that does.