For Review: Letter to Bowling Green Massacre Re-Enactors

Kellyanne — Please review the attached document for accuracy. You’ll also notice some places where we could use factual clarification and so have included different alternatives for you to choose from in this draft. You are more knowledgeable about the event than any of us on the Re-Enactment Committee, so we’re hoping you can clearly indicate which alternatives are facts and which are not. Thanks!

Dear Re-Enactor,

Thank you so much for signing up and showing your commitment and dedication! Now that enough time has passed from the time of the Bowling Green Massacre, or at least from the day we all suddenly remembered it, honoring the victims (Q: victims? victim? were there any?) by re-enacting the confused and unclear events is a noble contribution to the cause of our people.

While commemorating this most tragic of days (Q: nights? weeks?) is a powerful way for us to remember, and even shape, the story of that fateful time in Bowling Green (see Q below), it should also fill you with joy da veerve (pardon my French! ;-) ) and steely-eyed resolve to march ever forward into a glorious future where our people will have big living rooms. (We do find this confusing, but our German dictionary app does say the word “lebensraum” in the talking points you sent means “living room.”)

(Q: The committee feels a little sheepish about not knowing this, but did the massacre happen in Bowling Green, Kentucky? Or was it the one in Florida? Indiana? Maryland? Missouri? Ohio? Pennsylvania? Virginia? Strangely, none of the online resources we’ve consulted are clear on which Bowling Green we are talking about. We’re assuming it’s not the park in New York or any locations in socialist Canada, but could it have been the one in Wiesbaden?)

Ensuring accuracy when re-enacting an event whose details are shrouded in murk and uncertainty may seem a daunting task. But as re-enactors you should see it differently: This is your opportunity to create history where before there was none!

We are therefore asking for your help in planning the actual re-enactment. If you could send us your concepts of what might have happened in (Q: or ‘on the’?) Bowling Green, we will judge them on how well they fit the narrative and include the best in the actual re-enactment. (Q: Should we point out that the judging will be by a panel of ‘so-called judges’ or can we assume that interested re-enactors understand that there’s no such creature as a ‘judge’ already?)

To get your brains working, here are some examples of moments we already intend to include in the Bowling Green Massacre re-enactment:

  1. The Million People at the Mall (don’t worry if you show up and there are only four or five re-enactors signed up for these roles — the crowd will look much bigger from where we stand)
  2. The Richard Spencer On-Camera Interview (anyone playing R.S. should consider using a boxer’s mouthguard for safety, as well as the ramifications of living with his haircut after the re-enactment has ended)
  3. The Angry Tweet Flurry (not actually happening at the Massacre, but occurring during it, although tweets themselves may appear to be aimed at random, disconnected targets)
  4. (Kellyanne, as the nation’s leading expert on the Bowling Green Massacre, if there any other moments you think absolutely need to be included, just send us a couple words about them and we’ll fill in the details as needed)

Remember, as with all undisputed, historically-documented, factual events, the actual details and lasting meaning of the horrific Bowling Green Massacre are entirely up to us to decide based on the narrative we choose. This is our moment to literally make history! Let’s not let our people down!

At the conclusion of the re-enactment, everyone is invited to share a meal from the taco salad buffet table, generously provided by Bob’s Down Home Grille and Bar. We love Hispanics, and hope you do too!

Sincerely,

The Bowling Green Massacre Re-Enactment Political Action Committee