Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, IGGY, Chris Brown & Other Famous Turnarounds
Our world is changing.
A famous American male Olympic Decathlon hero has snipped the sausage and become a chick , Rick Ross is now skinnier than an Ethiopian kid and your average cocky ‘professional bloggers’ have now become more sensitive than Taylor Swift-post break up, on the rag.
To make matters more confusing, Justin Bieber is now fucking cool!!
Shockingly, this man can do no wrong. The Biebs is doing to pop music what Steph Curry is doing to professional basketball.
Earlier this week Bieber released his third single (‘Sorry’) from his soon to be released album ‘Purpose’. Thirty-six million YouTube views later, it’s clear —Bieber’s an American Hero (from Canada).
The ‘Baby’ singer has grown up all before eyes. Seemingly gone are the ‘boy-next-door-that-I-want-to-choke-to-death-in-his-sleep’ days.
He’s now the Canadian Stallion.
While as extreme as it’s unexpected, Bieber’s shocking renaissance isn’t a first.
Here’s a few other surprising changes and comebacks over the last 30 years.
Bruce Jenner, 2015 — With the exchanging of genitals, Bruce became Caitlyn and in so went from being boring to interesting. Now as everyone realizes it’s the same old Bruce inside, she’s boring again.
Chris Brown, 2009 — A wise man once told me “Never hit a woman, especially if she’s famous and especially if you’re a rapper with an attitude, whose also black”.
That man was Hulk Hogan.
Robert Downy Jr, 2001 — Perhaps the biggest comeback in Hollywood. A self-confessed cocaine and heroin addict, the (now) clean-cut guy from Iron Man once lived a life filled with more controversies than Keith Richards, Ozzy Osbourne and Charlie Sheen put together.
Remember that possessed chick from The Exorcist? That was Rob in his twenties.
Michael Jackson, 1995–1999 — Not only did The King of Pop’s iconic 80’s music style and demeanor eviscerate completely during this decade, but by the time Jackson released History (1995), the man from 1982’s Thriller now resembled Caspar the Ghost. An African-American music icon had now infamously become white (Due to the rare skin condition Vitiligo — not that anyone cared).
Throw in the countless child abuse rumors and the late nighties proved to be a change for the worst for the late pop-icon.
Lebron James, 2010 — From 2004 to 2009, James was the leagues most loved player. By the start of the 2010/2011 season the former Cleveland star was more unwelcome in the America than Osama Bin Laden.
This was due to The Decision — a television special in which Lebron announced to the world, he was “taking his talents to South Beach”, signing with the Miami Heat. America didn’t like this showcase of wealth and arrogance and thus, James became the countries new ‘villain’.
(Even though all the proceeds from the television special went directly to charity. Selective hearing much,[white] America?)
IGGY Azalea, 2014 — Stunning transformation. Once just a mere platypus back in her native land of Australia, to now a famous American pop star married to a mediocre professional basketballer, living in Los Angeles.
They say if you listen closely enough to her songs, you can still hear her quack, sometimes.
Jeremy Lin, 2012 — For two straight weeks, ‘Linsanity’ captivated the basketball world. An Asian-American passed around from team-to-team, endlessly riding the pine, was suddenly hitting buzzer beaters and dropping 38 on Kobe Bryant in the biggest and brightest city in the world — New York.
Then ‘Linsanity’ disappeared, never to be seen again. Perhaps the best analogy of Jeremy Lin the Basketballer, is this:
Remember back in high school when a dorky kid would become suddenly popular in the blink of an eye because his parents were out’ve town for the weekend and there was a party at his place Saturday night? Then the following week when the party was over, everything went back to normal and nobody gave a shit about him again.
That’s Jeremy Lin’s NBA career in a nutshell. But what a weekend it was!
Miley Cyrus, 2013 — There once was a time looking at Hannah Montana made you feel creepier than Bill Cosby. But then she released ‘Bangerz’, ditched her clothes, rode a wrecking ball and dry-humped Robin Thicke at an Awards show.
And so, ‘Adults Only Miley Cyrus’ was born, giving relief to the common man; Cyrus was now fair game. Her antics also gave me the belief that if I ever bumped into her at Wallmart, there would be a 70% chance she’d be naked.
(And a 30–40% chance she’d blow me)
Suddenly, Hannah Montana was now a measly after-thought.
And Thank God for that.