Time Travelin’ Trump

When ToE’s special correspondent Chris wanted to tell me about watching the Super Bowl, I was skeptical… but it turns out you can learn a few things watching the game at DC’s local FBI bar —Harry’s — like the true story behind Trump’s obsession with Russia and nuclear war.

It turns out it all has to do with the fact that Trump is good friends with Robert Kraft, owner of the Patriots.

Trump’s relationship with Russia kicked into high gear when Putin stole his good friend Kraft’s superbowl ring.

This wasn’t just any old superbowl ring… it was actually Donald Trump’s time machine ring. Trump’s uncle, John G. Trump, was the man who the FBI brought in study Nikolai Tesla’s last notebooks and personal effects after he died on American soil. They wanted to make sure Tesla’s research didn’t end up in the hands of the Russians.

John G. Trump didn’t just study those artifacts… he took a few of them for safe keeping. A ring and an alarm clock were part of the package and they ended up in John’s favorite nephew, Donald’s possession. They lived in a drawer for a few decades. But one day, before the Apprentice, when Trump was at his lowest, he was watchng a Back To The Future marathon. In the first movie, the time machine is powered by a Tesla coil which reminded him of the ring and the alarm clock… and the second movie gave him the idea of what to do with it.

Robert Kraft and Trump were both seen with the ring a great deal over the next few years, when the Patriots just couldn’t stop winning the superbowl.

But when Putin stole the ring, Trump went into freak out mode. Now he’s more determined than ever to get it back. Everything is on the table — even nukes.

By the way, he’s the recipe that may come in handy when the feds stop by your home. Win the favor of your local FBI Special Agents with a nice homemade Strawberry Spangled Banner.