Proposed Opening Remark for my College Departmental Dinner

So yes, I was just told I would be giving the opening remarks at my College Dinner today. As I have never done such before, I immediately pulled out my laptop to contact my friend — GOOGLE. Here is what I came up with. Sharing this in hope that someone else can learn from this.

Note: this is an Informal Opening Remark, the audience is expected to be familiar with the slang inherent.

Hi Guys,

Thank you very much for being present today at the NACOSS 2016 Dinner event. Of course you know we are starting now because many people refused to show up in time. So yh, thank you for being on time. *smiles*

Err, so briefly I have been tasked with the job of letting us know why we are gathered here. But, you know what, I think some of you know more than I do, so I’ll just move in and ask a few people. *moves in to the crowd spots a fine girl nicely dressed* (says to self, one down, x-1 chics to go, no, I am not a geek!)

Edison be like:

Five percent of the people think; 
ten percent of the people think they think; 
and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.

Exactly, that’s what’s going on today, some people would rather die than listen to the reason why we are gathered here, while 5% think they know-it-all.

Well, when I was in my 100Level, I came into the dinner single, but I want to bless God that today, I am Double…*points to a skinny light-skinned babe in the crowd* #scoffsALittle

Can you help tell the nearest 100L person to you that “God would make you double!” *smiles*

So, yeah we are privileged to have some of the finest comedians CU has produced, host our show tonight…*whispers* (ah, I thought you guys would be excited)

So yeah, many of us are gathered here for either of the following reasons (or more):

1. To “track babes” — (fishermen, LOL).
2. To use up your NACOSS dues.
3. To cool off from the Exam pressure.
4. To flaunt your made in Aba wears…lol.
5. To actually know whether you would be the recipient of that award.

Well, for whatever reason you are might be here, I would like to add that we are also here to have fun and be entertained, to meet some of the other people in our department and ultimately to generate mementos (by taking pictures or in any other form)

I would enjoin you guys to sit back, sorry, you might sleep, lean forward and have fun! Hala!, Eyo!

Thank you for listening!!!

*leaves the stage*