Thanks for writing about this!

To add some thoughts — I think there are a lot of different things that come across when someone says they are sorry to often. What I pick up on when I’m apologizing, is that I’m coming from an assumption that other people are angry and upset with me, and that I need to appease them before continuing. For people who are not upset, it’s superfluous since they aren’t intersted, and the underlying assumption is a little bit disrepectful or distancing. Assuming they are angry already is a slight against the trust they have in you as someone they can share their feelings with. So I feel like not saying sorry is an expression of trust in others — that you accept their their anger if they choose to show it. Also, there is the self-acceptance part, of accepting that there is a discomforting “I did something wrong feeling”. Accepting that is like saying to myself, “Yes. I did drop that pencil. … Let’s move on” rather than a reaction of “ugh! crap! That was a bad thing to do!”.

I’ve also found that sometimes, even when I do feel guilty, saying “I’m sorry” is not the right thing. It can come across as “Please acknowledge that I’m a good person.” I’m still coming to an understanding of why certain apologies of mine didn’t really feel great or lead to better results, but I think that was part of it.