Back to the Drawing Board 

On Moving Forward

Rejections can spur an odd feeling. On one hand, there’s a sense of disappointment and dejection when you receive nothing more than a boilerplate email from a company’s no-reply address – no explanation, no constructive feedback, and no suggestions on how to improve. Nothing.

On the other hand, there’s no greater motivation than someone telling me I can’t do something or that I’m not good enough. As I continue this job search, I’ve been rejected by more companies than I’d like to admit. Some I necessarily don’t care too much about and others I spent years thinking about. Simply put, it sucks, but I’m learning some valuable lessons from this experience thus far.

First, I shouldn’t take it personally. And I don’t. It’s not all about me, but rather the value I can bring to a company. Can I make a difference? Can I make them money? Do I sincerely share their mission? Am I a good fit? Can I make their lives better as an employee and as a person? Obvious questions, but admittedly I haven’t done the best job in displaying such value through the interviews – a dire mistake I’m working to fix.

But these lessons beg the question: why can I not display value to a company? During my interview with Coursera (which unfortunately, didn’t go well), my interviewer started asking questions regarding what exactly I can do, step by step, as their first Growth Marketing Manager, a role that matched relatively well with my experience. Unfortunately, I fumbled through all my answers. Answer after answer, I kept flubbing. It was like watching a train-wreck in slow motion. Aside from nervousness, I just didn’t have the confidence in my abilities. How can I convince an interviewer I’m worth the effort if I can’t even convince myself? Classic case of impostor syndrome.

“But Ben, I figured you’d be a great interviewer because you’re a really good communicator,” my friend Elizabeth responded when I told her of my recent struggles (thanks, Liz). While I’m humbled that a number of my friends share the same sentiment, I’m starting to realize why I’m, quite frankly, awful with interviews.

I learned there is a clear distinction between personal development and professional development – that regardless whether you’re a good person or not, if you can’t do the job, you won’t get the job. Without much formal experience, my "brand" pitch was potential and work ethic. But I came to realize that "potential" also comes with a risk, something not many companies can afford to take. While there are numerous intersecting points between personal and professional growth, they aren’t always the same. I spent the past several years doing everything I can to grow as a person: fixing up my work ethic, attitude, and ambition, but continuously neglected any growth as a professional. No internships, no portfolio, and no real experience in an office.

I can make every excuse in the book, but in the end, the blame lies solely on my apathy. With the lack of any development as a young professional, it’s no wonder why I’m failing. At times, I know there’s no substance to what I’m saying because it’s not backed by extensive, authentic experience, which in turn lowers my confidence. Hence, the impostor syndrome.

Let’s fix that.

I’m not ready to give up just yet. I know I can work for a top company. But more importantly, I want to work for the right company. I already turned down a number of job offers with no regrets, but I do have a lot of thinking (and doing) to do in the coming months.

To be honest, I’m a little burnt out. I've been dialed on 11 ever since graduation, but with no clear direction. So I’m taking a step back and going to spend some time doing what I love, which is learning (online courses, Duolingo, and books), volunteering in my community, taking on small projects, and building something for pleasure. Hopefully in a bit I can re-evaluate my situation moving forward.

I know if I keep working hard, meet the right people, and maintain my patience, good things will come. Thanks for reading.

Ben