Where can I apply to Numb planet?

Before I started writing this, I googled the definition of this short yet scary word.
And this is what I found;
Being numb is unable to feel anything in a particular part of your body especially as a result of cold or anesthesia, or unable to think, feel, or react normally because of something that shocks or upsets you.
And then they used the word “indifferent”.
Well how beautiful is that.
Being indifferent.
Whatever happens you’ll be like “meh”
A simple “meh” would get you out of everything
Don’t judge me but this is #goals
I’m still saying “don’t judge me”
Well I wouldn’t if I were numb
I would say even If you judge me,
I wouldn’t feel a shit
I can’t get over the beauty of this idea
The beauty of this trait, disorder, whatever the fuck it is
I like it and I want it
I would give anything right now to be “numb”
To not feel the shit that I’m feeling
To not care about why they look at me that way
Why they used that tone days ago
Why they didn’t call
I want to be numb to my feelings, to my pain, to my surroundings, to the people around me, to the stuff happening in the backgrounds,
Imagine this;
You don’t feel anything at all.
Yeah that’s it
Just imagine that.
Imagine all the times you were hurt
All the times you felt embarrassed
All the times you felt angry
All the times you felt sad
The feeling of rage, the sadness, the jealousy, the hurt
Being numb would erase all of that
How cool hah
I seriously would do or give anything for the feeling of not feeling a thing at all
Nothing.
There’s this saying or quote or whatever that says :
” feeling pain is better than feeling nothing”
What do you think about that?
Do you agree?
Would you rather feel pain than nothing at all?
Actually this is a sentence from a song I love
But I don’t agree anymore
Because I don’t think someone who felt real, strong, destroying pain would ever say that
The first thing that comes with the pain is normally wanting to stop it
So I’m guessing being numb is the solution for it or just “a” solution for hopeful people and maybe not.
Actually I have been numb before
And god I loved it
It was the most beautiful times ever
I was good then
Nothing mattered to me; everything was just the same, the same nothingness, the same blank.
A blank
Nothing to fill with
For nothing was worth it, nothing could fit in that blank
It’s like it’s not even there
How can you put something in nothing
Does that make any sense?
No
Because that’s the case here
Nothing will ever make any sense
No one will ever get you
No one will ever get what the hell does numb mean
You can explain it
You can search it in whatever book you want
Unless you live it and maybe enjoy it
You wouldn’t understand
And frankly if your life is good without any kind of numbness, please enjoy it
Stop whatever the hell is messing up with you and enjoy your fucking life
You might say; start with yourself
Yeah right
I on the other hand feel like the train is no where to even be found
I feel like I have to start new rules
I have to make new basics for my life
I’m not being pessimistic here
I’m trying to deal with what I have
I’m trying not to fall
I don’t miss being on the ground
I don’t miss the messed up feelings and situations that I can never explain
And my solution is being numb
I’m not asking anyone to agree with me
And most of the people around me wouldn’t
I know
But that couldn’t change a thing
Because no one is in my shoes
And no one will ever be
So I’m the only one to decide here.
