Where can I apply to Numb planet?

Syrine Ben Maktouf
Sep 4, 2018 · 3 min read

Before I started writing this, I googled the definition of this short yet scary word.

And this is what I found;

Being numb is unable to feel anything in a particular part of your body especially as a result of cold or anesthesia, or unable to think, feel, or react normally because of something that shocks or upsets you.

And then they used the word “indifferent”.

Well how beautiful is that.

Being indifferent.

Whatever happens you’ll be like “meh”

A simple “meh” would get you out of everything

Don’t judge me but this is #goals

I’m still saying “don’t judge me”

Well I wouldn’t if I were numb

I would say even If you judge me,

I wouldn’t feel a shit

I can’t get over the beauty of this idea

The beauty of this trait, disorder, whatever the fuck it is

I like it and I want it

I would give anything right now to be “numb”

To not feel the shit that I’m feeling

To not care about why they look at me that way

Why they used that tone days ago

Why they didn’t call

I want to be numb to my feelings, to my pain, to my surroundings, to the people around me, to the stuff happening in the backgrounds,

Imagine this;

You don’t feel anything at all.

Yeah that’s it

Just imagine that.

Imagine all the times you were hurt

All the times you felt embarrassed

All the times you felt angry

All the times you felt sad

The feeling of rage, the sadness, the jealousy, the hurt

Being numb would erase all of that

How cool hah

I seriously would do or give anything for the feeling of not feeling a thing at all

Nothing.

There’s this saying or quote or whatever that says :

” feeling pain is better than feeling nothing”

What do you think about that?

Do you agree?

Would you rather feel pain than nothing at all?

Actually this is a sentence from a song I love

But I don’t agree anymore

Because I don’t think someone who felt real, strong, destroying pain would ever say that

The first thing that comes with the pain is normally wanting to stop it

So I’m guessing being numb is the solution for it or just “a” solution for hopeful people and maybe not.

Actually I have been numb before

And god I loved it

It was the most beautiful times ever

I was good then

Nothing mattered to me; everything was just the same, the same nothingness, the same blank.

A blank

Nothing to fill with

For nothing was worth it, nothing could fit in that blank

It’s like it’s not even there

How can you put something in nothing

Does that make any sense?

No

Because that’s the case here

Nothing will ever make any sense

No one will ever get you

No one will ever get what the hell does numb mean

You can explain it

You can search it in whatever book you want

Unless you live it and maybe enjoy it

You wouldn’t understand

And frankly if your life is good without any kind of numbness, please enjoy it

Stop whatever the hell is messing up with you and enjoy your fucking life

You might say; start with yourself

Yeah right

I on the other hand feel like the train is no where to even be found

I feel like I have to start new rules

I have to make new basics for my life

I’m not being pessimistic here

I’m trying to deal with what I have

I’m trying not to fall

I don’t miss being on the ground

I don’t miss the messed up feelings and situations that I can never explain

And my solution is being numb

I’m not asking anyone to agree with me

And most of the people around me wouldn’t

I know

But that couldn’t change a thing

Because no one is in my shoes

And no one will ever be

So I’m the only one to decide here.

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