God of War Games Ranked

From those that belong in Tartarus to those that earned a place in Elysium.

Yes, that’s a crawdad. Yes, you’re still reading an article about God of War. Photo by Stone Wang on Unsplash.

All images fair use.

In 2005, I met Kratos. No, not from God of War — though I did also meet him that same year on my PlayStation 2 (best console ever, baby!). I’m talking about the crawdad I named Kratos.

For the life of me, I don’t know how I got a pet crawdad. I might’ve caught it and brought it home, I might’ve gotten it at the pet store (because all pet stores sell crawdads, don’tcha know?), I might’ve gotten it from a friend or family member who just thought I needed a freshwater crustacean in my life. I truly don’t remember the circumstances surrounding the little guy. (Or girl? I suppose I never asked.)

All I remember was seeing him in the water tank I kept in the dining room and knowing his name was Kratos. He was red and white, like his namesake. His claws were akin to the Blades of Chaos. And there was more to him than met the eye. Had he lasted longer, I have no doubt he would’ve sprouted a mighty beard and spawned a disobedient but loving son.

I should note that I was nine years old in 2005 — much too young to play God of War according to the Entertainment Software Ratings Board (AKA the ESRB, whose ubiquitous rating system for games has been around since Congress…