Satirist Begs for Old Job After Rejection from More Popular Publication
Milwaukee, WI— Former Satirist, Contributor, misanthrope, and local man, Andre Copeland, was seen crawling on his hands and knees back to his old publication in Downtown Milwaukee last Thursday. Eye witnesses claim that grovelling and boot licking were involved as well.
“We all knew the moment he slithered through the door, he was here to beg for his job back” affirmed Peggy, the Office Manager. “There was no way he was actually going to get that job at ‘That Other Publication’. What kind of idiot quits a job before he has a replacement? Who has that much faith in himself?”
At the time of publication, we are able to offer no confirmation to the rumor that Copeland was rejected for a staff writer position at ‘That Other Publication’ but several former colleagues reported seeing him crying in a local bar the night before, complaining about “the liberal media”, before passing out in the restroom. “It was definitely more crying than I’m used to at a bar, even if it was an Applebee’s” noted an anonymous source.
Copeland, however, refused to acknowledge that he ever left his old publication, insisting that he was merely on vacation visiting his girlfriend in Canada. “It was all just a misunderstanding, everything is fine.” Copeland told reporters upon exiting his former Editor-in-Chief’s office. “In fact, I got promoted to working in the mail room!” When presented with closed circuit video of him making vulgar hand gestures to colleagues and literally burning a paper mache bridge in the break room last month, he had no comment.