I don’t have enough middle fingers to express my disdain for Spirit.

5 Things I Would Rather Do Than Fly Spirit Airlines


Look! The worst airline on this planet — or any planet — is back in the news. Apparently it’s now the fastest-growing airline in the U.S.

Seriously? The airline that charges $15 to talk to a service agent and $3 for water? What The Fuck are people thinking? From Wall Street Journal:

“What does it say that the most profitable, fastest-growing U.S. airline is also the most-complained about U.S. airline? Fliers care most about cheap fares.”

No, it says that we 1) are completely ignorant of the stupid shit Spirit pulls, like $100 bag check fees, 2) like being treated like rotten, 3-month-old sardines, or 3) just plain hate ourselves.

I made the mistake of flying Spirit once, and I will never make that mistake again. In fact, it was such a terrible experience, here are some of the things I would rather do instead of fly on Spirit a second time:

1. Dive into a pool of rusty razor blades:

I would also eat these razor blades after diving in than fly Spirit.

2. This:

This entire post is NSFW, if you haven’t already figured that out. Kinda like Spirit.

3. Attach a car battery to my nipples:


There’s even a news article that goes with this picture.

4. Gouge out my eyeballs with a spoon:

No, I’m not going to show you a picture of somebody gouging out his/her eyes. That’s just disgusting. Kinda like Spirit Airlines.

5. Drink hot candle wax, like this guy (NSFW):

At least it’s tastier than Spirit Airlines.


In short, Fuck Spirit Airlines. If you hate customer service, your family and happiness in general, fly Spirit.

Seriously, fly Virgin. Or JetBlue. Or Southwest. Or American. Anyone but Spirit. By supporting crapfests like it, we’re just begging for more companies to give us more shitty products. So I beg you: please pay a little more to keep your dignity intact.

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I have a new book coming out next week. Please check it out if Spirit hasn’t already crushed your spirit.