Let’s Write a Book

I have a lot of books in me waiting to get out. You’ve all read Error Australis — and if you haven’t, go GET IT NOW — and the follow-up to EA will be out next year, just as funny and just as Australian. But I’m itching to get my first novel published and show you all that I’m a fiction writer too. So check out these novels that are bubbling out of my various orifices, and see which one you’d like to see first. If you’re a publisher, you can then give me a bunch of money! If you’re not a publisher, I’m very disappointed in you…but your support is still appreciated. If you’re friends with a publisher, NICE! And you can tell them about this!

The Panther

Terrorised by a legendary jungle cat, a ragtag bunch of deluded farmers and over-aggressive hunters set out into the wilds of Gippsland to hunt and rid the community of the menace of the malevolent panther. In the process they learn very little about themselves.

Dirty Pool

A horrific murder in a country house rocks the weekend party of Sir Brinsley Elkington-fforbes. As a succession of progressively more inept detectives proclaim themselves stumped, it’s up to society gentleman and noted idle young idiot Freddie Bunting and his lovesick pal Spiffy Cholmondeley to solve the mystery — a task that becomes more urgent as the dismembered bodies and gruesome tableaux begin to pile up. A brutally bloodthirsty tale of mayhem, written in the style of PG Wodehouse.

Saving Hitler

An idealistic and recently-deceased young man becomes disenchanted with the afterlife when he comes to understand just how eternal the punishment for sinners is. To expose a corrupt system he recruits other malcontent heaven-dwellers to stage history’s most impossible prison break.

Faith

God finds himself in an existential crisis when the gods of antiquity make their return to earth and begin siphoning belief away from Him. To keep the ancients from carrying out their tyrannical plan, He needs a new Messiah — and finds exactly the wrong guy for the job.

V-Tards

Arron is a teenage vampire completely disgruntled with the patronising way his kind are treated by society. Shunted into special ed at school, helicopter-parented at home, and generally treated as either victim or revolting “inspiration” he just wants to be left alone. But that’s not on the cards, as he’s thrust moodily into the limelight by the competing forces of a celebrity doctor who claims to have a cure for vampirism and a romantic-minded writer eager to turn him into her next book.

The Forstac Angel

A goblin in the big city has few options for gainful employment, which is why Hargnakh started the world’s first detective agency. His clients are few and poverty-riddled, until a visit from a mysterious and fabulously wealthy lady sets him on a trail that will carry him across the continent to find a secret guarded by monsters, that could destroy kings.

If you’d like to give me a hand with making future books happen, you could become a Patron. I’ll love you forever!