SATIRE|POLITICS
Abraham Lincoln Caught With Classified Documents From Time in Office
Honest Abe’s classified documents
In recent weeks, classified documents have been found in the homes of more and more United States politicians. After Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and Mike Pence were all found in possession of secret documents from their time in office, many citizens began to wonder whether any of their politicians could even be trusted.
“At this point I’m starting to wonder how many politicians haven’t stolen secret documents,” explained concerned voter Susan Peters.
As these developments have continued to emerge, the FBI began routine searches of all United States congressmen and senators. “The results have been shocking to say the least,” explained FBI director Christopher A. Wray.
“After a thorough investigation, we found that there were only four congressmen and two senators without classified documents in their possession.”
Mitt Romney, one of the two senators found without classified documents in his home or office simply scoffed when asked about it. “Keep classified documents in my possession? And violate the sanctity of my constitution and religion? I’d sooner miss a day of church!”
