Introducing I-TRUMP: The Index of Truly Righteous Umbrage at Manifest Provocations

The I-TRUMP soared to unprecedented heights this week, just seven days after its principal holding, Donald Trump, had its initial public offering of awful executive orders. Building on a strategic plan of provable falsehoods and targeted discrimination against minorities and foreigners, the Trump Organization swiftly followed through on its promises to:

  • Declare his own inauguration day as “National Day of Patriotic Devotion”
  • Repeatedly lie about the size of his inauguration crowd
  • Order agencies to ignore Obamacare, more or less
  • Gag the Environmental Protection Agency
  • Repeatedly lie about widespread voter fraud
  • Gag the Department of Agriculture’s research arm
  • Repeatedly lie about his conflicts of interest
  • Extol the benefits of torturing prisoners
  • Gag the National Park Service
  • Ban Muslims
  • Gag science
  • Repeatedly lie

Okay, so some of these weren’t promises — just nasty little surprises. Nonetheless, as the largest stock in the I-TRUMP, Trump’s moves ensured that it was the most actively traded inequity on the SADDAQ, as investors clamored to express their momentary outrage on Twitter, but not actually attend a local political gathering where they could really do some good. Analysts’ recommendations likewise continued to trend positively, while bearish calls were nowhere to be seen, owing to a sudden and sharp diminution in their polar variety.

Performance of I-TRUMP for week ending 1/28/2017

Value 1/20/17: 1000

Value 1/28/17: 2000

YTD % growth (1 week): 100%



The Index of Truly Righteous Umbrage at Manifest Provocations (I-TRUMP) is a tracking tool enabling socially conscious investors and individuals prone to outrage to gauge their level of disbelief, shock, and depression at the bumbling stupidity of the Trump administration. Its value is pegged to a basket of comedies associated with the Trump Organization, including Donald Trump (its largest holding), Steve Bannon, Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, Jared Kushner, Mar-a-Lago, Reince Priebus, Trump Tower, the now-defunct Taj Mahal, various lawsuits against Trump and his associates, and the fifteen federal Cabinet-level agencies which are now under his control. I-TRUMP was established by Ben W. Dalton, a self-described “humorist,” on January 20, 2017, to celebrate America’s “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.”