the pain of being stuck in a rut was greater than the effort of changing things,
Everything Is Connected
Amina Islam

This is the reliably repetitive mechanism of my life. It’s not so much pain as time goes on, but simple boredom that sees me upending any routine that tries to take root. Occasionally I envy the comfortable regularity I see others enjoying, but when I talk to them and reflect on my own life, I see that it’s always been impossible for me to get into a scenario like that, no matter how much I’ve tried to force it in the past. “Growing up” and taking resonsibility for myself and my actions has meant being honest to myself about this and not judging myself (or other people) in any kind of comparison.

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