My Contentment

What is it that you want?

What’s that thing you want for me and from me?

Because I struggle to understand. Look at this short years of my life.

Look how it goes. From what I saw, I have come to think that there is something you desire.

Because this can’t just be a coincidence Or set of events.

It just can’t. What’s there in the world? What can I rely on?The thing I thought was all perfect and all sound today, will be all messed up tomorrow.

The person I thought will be there for me for as long as he lived is nowhere to be found today. That victory that I was so proud of yesterday is shaking and breaking today.

I find myself counting on things and things felling me. I see people counting on things and thing felling them. I see it all.

So what then can I rely on?

You bring a person in my life and I finally feel understood, but then tomorrow there nowhere to be found. My heart and my head have been both in the good and the bad states of life.

I have loved, I have lost. I have wanted, I’ve been rejected.

I have tried, I have failed. I have concluded and I have been ashamed.

So now I know there is nothing I can be sure of, even me I’ve let me down.

I’ve disappointed me I’ve hurt me, countless times I have.

So I’ve come to ask why, why is everything the way it is? Why can’t there be something stable for me? How can I at least not be enough for me?

And today I understand that you’ve a plan. That this is just not another event of life or that I am so unlucky to find that thing that everyone has.

You don’t want me settled. You don’t want me all cozy in this world. Yes nothing is stable for me because there is nothing stable in this world.

I tried to seek love from people, I tried to seek compassion and care. I wanted everybody to be good to understand and to care. I did want those things I’ve wanted them so bad but I couldn’t find them here because they cannot be found.

Everything finds its place with you my lord. There is no fulfillment in this world. Only you can be everything I want. Even I myself can’t become it. So that’s why whatever happened, happened. That’s why you won’t let me be satisfied. There is nothing wrong with me. It’s all you and your beautiful way of making me.

So my mouth is shut, you carry on, YOU know it best.

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