You will have your moment

At work we found out we got a new lead over a certain group of custodians. We were all very happy for her especially me. But when it came to break time my whole world came crashing down in just 2 minutes of looking at Facebook.

Friends getting their internships, jobs they dreamed of having, working for companies that are hard to get into to, positions, titles, corner offices, assistants to fetch their coffee, the works! And what I was I doing? Bending down and cleaning toilets? Making sure light bulbs were put into the rooms that needed them? Dusting over an area again and again? Then the ultimate question, why didn’t I apply for the lead position? Was it because of family, school, the hours, or just because? I had planned on it but I felt as if it was too much on my plate with family, school and work. Was that just an excuse or was there more to it?

While cleaning dust off of chairs I spent a good 45 minutes crying over when my moment was going to come. When was it going to be my turn to shine? When was I going to have to stop working so hard for what I want just to see it all come crashing down and I would have to start over or just quit? I don’t know if I was a little jealous or just angry that everyone was getting what they wanted from all the hard they put in and I was working hard too just to see that I was not fulfilling my own accomplishments. I felt stuck in my own place.

After washing my face my supervisor saw me and asked if I was alright. I bent the truth a little bit. I told her I was just tired. Which was true I was tired but I didn’t want to go into talking about my crying episode having her think that I was jealous of the position going to someone else. I don’t work like that. I didn’t apply so I don’t deserve it so I have nothing to be really jealous of. And plus I try hard not to mix too much of my personal life with work. So just telling her I was tired was good enough for me. Plus it also doesn’t help that I have one of those faces that when nothing it wrong with me it looks like something is wrong.

After our little conversation I went back to my area and began to clean up for the night. I then told myself that my moment will come and that moment will be just that; my moment. I just need to keep going and in some cases just go with the flow on things. On my way home I was thinking it was silly to just cry over nothing but then I remember someone once told me that there is nothing wrong with showing a little emotion in business. It shows two things:

  1. You are humble enough to learn. Being all power hungry in business just makes you look unprofessional and people won’t want to work for or with you.
  2. You are not a robot. You care and you feel. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just don’t have it run your life. Have a cry and move on to fix the problem.

Am I happy for those people that have successfully made it in the big world, especially those in NYC, Washington D.C., Boston, San Francisco, and yes even in the small city of Salt Lake? Yes, I am really happy for them. They worked hard and applied themselves. They felt the moment was right for them. When that time comes I know in my heart my moment will be right too. I just need to continue to be humble and kind.