Men are Monsters
Chauvinists, misogynists, predators. Scum.
A brief but urgent blog post. I hope you stay with me.
In October 2017, the Me Too hashtag went viral and gave women from all walks of life, the courage to share their stories of the heinous sexism, harassment and abuse they were forced to silently suffer and endure. Their stories were deeply sad but not surprising. The suffering of women under the poisonous stranglehold of misogyny is a tale as old as time. The stripping of their autonomy and the denial of their dignity is revealed in countless historical examples of cruelty — of which; being raped, burned at the stake, sold as slaves, forced into arranged marriages and being denied the vote, are but a few.
And, even today, women are still often denied the liberty and respect that our male counterparts are so freely given. Women are still being silenced, sexually degraded, trafficked, abused and denied equity in their careers. Innocent and vulnerable women are tragically still suffering the traumatic infliction of psychological, sexual and physical wounds that lacerate them daily. I do not know a single woman that has not suffered the indignity and pain of being intimidated, overlooked, objectified, or abused, at some point in her life.
And so we should weep and we should rage and we should demand change. There are behaviours and injustices that deserve zero tolerance. It is urgent and necessary that we seek justice. How can we do anything else? And there is still so much to be done.
But as you may have guessed from the title, this blog post is more about men, than women.
Because, while I am glad to see long overdue reform, I am troubled by another subtle, yet pervasive view, that has emerged in this process. A view that another writer in his blog poignantly highlights:
“Being male…has now been almost vilified in popular culture. This vilification ….. is as pervasive as it is destructive, men are not villains or predators simply by being men.
I am not in anyway condoning what many of my male counterparts view as characteristics of being male: sexual promiscuity, right to aggression and right to sexual gratification. But nor am I willing to accept that all men view these as suitable characteristics and that by virtue of being male all of us will have to battle to suppress such urges.
Such a view creates immense ‘otherness’ in men such as myself. We are not able to relate to the society we exist within because they believe us to be essentially sexually motivated animals who are obsessed with predatory behaviour and fighting; nor am I like any of my male counterparts who do find pleasure in inflicting sexual or physical harm to others.”
I read this and as a woman with brothers, a father, grandfathers and many dear male friends, colleagues and mentors, it cut to my heart and filled it with an urgency to remind you of three very obvious but important truths. So please pay attention:
- Injustice knows no gender.
Men are also assaulted and raped.
Men are also silenced.
Men are also bullied.
Men are also verbally and physically abused.
— by other men and women.
We excuse controlling and manipulative behaviour in women that we would protest and condemn if we witnessed a man exhibiting those same behaviours. In fact, I’d back this up by saying that the greatest humiliations, cruellest comments and most intense intimidation’s I’ve experienced have mostly been at the hands of women.
And as a woman, I worry that we can drown out the voices of men who are silently suffering by not taking their pain seriously or by promoting toxic views of masculinity that discourage men from being vocal about their struggles, whether with abuse or their mental health. I want to remind you that:
•In the U.K, men account for three quarters of all suicides.
•The most common cause of death for men between 20–49 is suicide.
• In 2017, there were 4,383 male suicides
So we cannot gender injustice by forgetting the vulnerabilities and injustices that men also face. We simply cannot afford to.
2. Goodness is not limited by gender.
The world is full of evil men (and women.)
But, I’d like to remind you of the goodness of many men.
I wrote a whole other blog post about my dad, which I’d encourage you to read.I have had the joy and privilege of growing up in a family of good men.
My mentor and greatest encourager was my English teacher, a man who taught me how to celebrate and empathise with all of humanity.
Here are three beautiful examples of real men:
1. My dad, standing in my mum’s flowery apron, singing to himself as he peeled potatoes at the sink.
2. A groom whose joy was so overwhelming, that the bride’s brother had to keep handing him tissues during the ceremony, as he wiped away happy tears.
3. A guy not much older than me, who loved his mum so much that he flew home to surprise her on Mother’s Day.
And also —
To my male friends -
who act out of kindness, not ulterior motives,
who walk me home when its late, even when it’s out of their way,
who value other women’s opinions and treat women as their equals,
who walk on the outside of the pavement,
who, when they drop me off, don’t drive away until they see I’m safely inside,
who ask me to pray for their sisters,
who offer old ladies their umbrellas when it’s raining,
who are disgusted and devastated by the sins of their male counterparts,
who love their mothers and sisters and female friends,
who celebrate women,
who are decent and trustworthy,
who protest injustice and act on the strength of their convictions,
whose humour does not come at the expense of women
whose expressions of manhood don’t compromise the dignity and safety of women.
- I celebrate you and thank you for being the kind, funny and gentle hearted men that you are. To all the men in my life, your example and the way you live your lives challenged me enough to write this, to try and repudiate the view that all men are monsters, chauvinists, misogynists, scum.
3. Finally: Love is not limited by gender.
I’d like to finish up by telling you about the greatest romance of my life, about a man I’ve been in a relationship with for a while now. But unlike most romances, I want you to know him and be known by him as intimately as I do and am. Oh, how I want you to know him. Let me tell you about Him.
In a culture of misogyny, he honoured and befriended women. He listened to them, defended them and even wept with them. He even used his dying breaths to ask his friend to take care of his mother.
He also loved and developed deep friendships with men. He encouraged and taught them. He made them breakfast and even washed their feet. He loved them — to the very end.
His love extended to all humanity , he was careful,respectful and kind to all. He honoured boundaries and humans, yet he was violated, abused and mocked and eventually cruelly executed on a cross.
This world is broken. But when Jesus, out of love for all humanity, went to the cross and took on the sins of the world, He made a way to create a new world, in which one day, we will experience complete redemption and restoration.
It is to this hope I cling.



