Five Things Polyamory Taught Me

Whether you’re looking to deepen your understanding of alternative relationship models, or seeking to strengthen your relationship with yourself, non-monogamy has a lot to teach us. Here are five relationship truths that really sink in when you explore ethical non-monogamy.

1. Your relationship with yourself comes first.

It’s a long life. Lovers will come and go, if you’re lucky you might find someone(s) special willing to grow alongside you, but at the core of this should be a fully formed, well-tended relationship with the self. Self-love gets a lot of lip service, but it truly is the foundation for any healthy bond. I knew I finally “got it” when I had the realization one day that I would prefer my own company to someone else’s; I was heading to a gallery and had an impulse to invite someone else so I wouldn’t be alone. As I hesitated with my finger on the “send” button, I realized that my own company was perfectly good and that another person would distract from my intention of appreciating art. That was powerful. The knowledge that I am plenty is the place I try to operate from as I approach any relationship. Rather than allowing you to escape yourself, a solid relationship is one that complements your own company.

“I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me…I want someone to share me, with me.”
― Eartha Kitt