Introducing The Crème of The Coffeelicious
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Cooking with Depression !

Greetings and welcome to Cooking with Depression where I attempt to make a barely edible meal and feel a modicum of accomplishment for the first time today…woo hoo!

What’s on the menu for today? Well whatever the hell I have, right? Let’s see. Sigh…okay, a dented can of pea soup, a fruitcake from last year and…oh, look! A can of tunafish.

Nothing says depression quite like a bleak, uninspired tunafish salad sandwich. And it’s pretty easy. (Well it depends on how you define easy. Brushing my teeth seemed blindingly insurmountable this morning, so there’s that.)

INGREDIENTS:

One can of tunafish

2 slices of bread

Mayonnaise

The will to live

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Open the can of tunafish. Sure, you’ll be handling some sharp and jagged objects, but try to focus on the task at hand.

2. Strain the oil or water. And try not to think of the mass exploitation of our seas or that the fish might be loaded with deadly metals.

3. Put the tuna fish in bowl. Look at you go. If you managed to put canned fish into a bowl, the possibilities are endless…kinda.

4. Add white globby condiment that loosely resembles a body secretion and stir. (Aka mayonnaise.)

5. Put your sad little salad between two slices of bread. Take care that the salad doesn’t spill out over the edges, which can make you feel inferior for some strange and inexplicable reason.

6. Cut the sandwich in half slowly and deliberately, all the while thinking of your ex-boyfriend who recently married his hair stylist with a happy face tattooed on her arm.

7. Put the sandwich on a large plate with one lonely potato chip. This adds a touch of pathos the deeply sullen truly appreciate.

See? That wasn’t so hard afterall. A simple, easy depression-friendly meal that makes you feel better about yourself. (Well, as much as the making a sandwich can make you feel better. Don’t expect a miracle or anything.)

Next week, I (may or may not, don’t pressure me) take on:

The Hard-boiled Egg!

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