What I learned from my 11 iPhones.

  1. That plastic can be ripped like paper. Thank you iPhone 3.
  2. That marble, concrete sidewalks, floors and purses are the enemy of gorilla glass.
  3. To focus on one task at a time, like walking the dog and not texting while walking the dog. Somewhere in Montreal there’s an iPhone with my credentials connected to it, if that sucker ever turns back on, I’ll wipe it faster than you can Shazam the next song.
  4. There is no mid-cycle unlocking mechanism for commercial laundry washers.
  5. There’s a certain emotional reaction one has while listening to the thump bump sound of their iPhone 4 as it completes the final rinse and spin cycle.
  6. A dash of salad dressing, a purse and a cracked iPhone screen make for a great party story, a kaleidoscope and a partially functional device. Good luck entering the passcode.
  7. Never borrow another person’s old iPhone. Even in an emergency. That device is cursed. It will break it some horrific manner.
  8. Never let someone gift you their old iPhone, especially a boyfriend. It makes it awkward when you have to have him call the phone company unlock it and then transfer to him the $50.00 unlocking fee.
  9. iPhones should be stored in cases, and inner jacket pockets at least 1 ½ times their size. If this cannot be accommodated: Avoid all large and small bodies of water, ice and rain. This includes toilets whether you’re using them or just in their vicinity. Keep a spare box of rice at the ready. Thank you iPhone 5.
  10. A wet phone rescued is never a reliable device. It’s like a unreliable journalistic source; you should always have a back up. Who am I kidding, if it gets wet your relationship is over. Honey, you better have had wifi backups setup the day you brought that phone home from the store.
  11. I’m a sucker who should have bought a cheap, durable phone after my third iPhone mishap. But damn it — this iPhone 6s is an aesthetically pleasing example of how I’m too lazy to shift all my iTunes purchases to an Android device. And who cares I’ve got Apple care now.
One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.