What will I do

When no one loves me?

It seems I have pissed off another “friend”.

I’m told this is what happens in your 50s. The people that you have collected throughout your decades begin to fade away just as the layers of pancake and rouge you have painted on day after day to hide from your true self flake off leaving the raw skin you’ve been trying to hide from bare and exposed.

Quiet and solitude have new meaning here. There are days when I revel in it. I don’t even put on underwear or a bra, I might brush my teeth or my hair, or I might not.

And then there are days where you want to be held by the strong, welcoming arms of someone who loves you no matter how much of an asshole you might’ve been that day. To be fair to my cats, they try. Unfortunately, as the warm summer begins, they shed and my eyes are now filled with tufts of fur leaving the wrong kind of tears in my eyes.

I came across this quote the other day, and it struck me as something. I probably should’ve learned much earlier in life, but isn’t that always how it goes. It sometimes takes us too long to learn the things, and we have to sit in our regret and reflect on the times we didn’t do life “right.”

But we must forgive ourselves. We know what we know when we know it, and we learn what we have to, sometimes in the most brutal of ways.