First Day

These 3 girls…as I reflect on their first day, I wish we could stop time and really watch them, really appreciate who they are becoming, spend a day, week, month without distractions, just being. As I drove my race car/van to practices, grocery stores, shoe stores (last minute wardrobe malfunctions), Mark’s work to sign papers, back home again to meet a former student who was only going to be in town from Japan for a short time, back to get the last few items I hadn’t been able to locate, pick cheerleader up from practice, I hadn’t paid attention to the actual time I was spending with my kids. I was the annoyed taxi driver who just wanted the day to be done so I could put the kids to bed, have a glass of wine and not be moving for 5 minutes before I went to bed myself. It breaks my heart when I think of the interactions I had with them…more me snapping at them as they asked for this and that and less me truly enjoying their joy, their sense of humor, their little developing personas. When I pick them up from school today, we are going for gelato, and I will listen, truly listen, or not if they don’t feel like talking, but it will be a moment of true appreciation for who these little and not so little people are…until one of them starts whining that they want frozen yogurt instead of gelato and how we never get to go to yogurt extreme because “mom doesn’t like all the junk food you get to put on top of your fro yo and how we should appreciate culture and eat gelato,” as they mimic me in their mom voice and then I’ll forget all this mushy stuff and tell them they never appreciate anything and we’re going straight home so they can clean their rooms…sigh, when do I get to start drinking wine? Anyway 4th, 6th, and 9th. Claire wouldn’t let me hold her hand today at school (a first!!), Anna didn’t want Hailey touching her (picture) and also lost her schedule, which was tear inducing, and then there’s this Freshman girl, who is too cool for school. Love them so much and I’m going to try to be less of a NYC cab driver and more of an appreciative, patient, mama.