You Become What You Hate
Preface
Through being so concentrated on what we despise, and trying our best to avoid becoming said thing, we inevitably become it. We lose ourselves in this spiral of hatred and resentment to such a degree that the same thing we dislike becomes ingrained into our character due to spending so much time dwelling on it. In this essay, I will cover my experiences with such a phenomenon, and how philosophy was able to pull me out of this pit.
Why Do We Hate?
Seems like a question with no logical answer attached to it, right? We are so keen to resent, complain, gossip, and surround ourselves with these auras of negativity, yet when we are confronted with why we do such a thing, we know that there is no proper response to be given. We know, from the depths of our being, that there is no logic to hatred (most of the time, at least). So why do we hate? Why do we continue to indulge in such feelings of resentment despite knowing its illogicality? The answer lies in ego, and more specifically, the ego’s role in primitive society.
Before man was fully sapient, we were dependent (just as all animals are) on the ego for survival. The ego was essentially our map for life; It allowed us to (for the most part) safely navigate the world. However, once intelligence finally arose, and the chains of instinct were forever broken, the ego had no place in humanity’s progress; It weighs down more than it assists us. Due to our lack of understanding of the ego, however, the ego remains a constituent of human nature; The emotions we would’ve previously used for survival are now being indulged in for mere pleasure, for our own selfish causes, or other asinine matters.
Becoming What You Hate
We now understand why we hate, but how does hating result in the inevitable transfiguration of the self into that of which we despise? It is simple; The trajectory of our lives is guided by where our focus is. If we become focused on a certain goal, we start to move towards that goal. We do not even need to be aware that this is happening, it simply does; It’s almost like that of which we are fixated on has a gravitational pull that one cannot hope to escape unless he becomes aware of his predicament.
The more our minds are focused on hating something or someone else, the more we become said thing, in an ironic twist of events. In my own experience, I began exhibiting the traits of those I swore to never be, only because I continued to think about how badly I wanted to get away from that. If I had not been so fixated on not being, however, and if I had been more concentrated on where I’d wanted to be, I’d be seeing significantly more progress in my life (positive progress, that is).
There is also the fact that often, if not every time there is someone we hate, it is because they exemplify a trait of ours. Granted, this behavior may be more exaggerated, but nonetheless it is still very much present. This only fortifies the assimilation of the self with that of which we hate; We are already a little bit of what we hate. We are already the things we don’t like. To focus on such things only strengthens that side of us which we wish to neglect.
Philosophy; Savior of Man
As mentioned earlier, philosophy saved me from my predicament. It allowed me to escape from the chasm of hatred and self-deterioration, and allowed me to move on from such childish emotions. There are two main things that helped me; Stoicism, and philosophical proverbs.
Stoicism is all about ego control, and not only that, but love for everything. Love for the universe, love for both the suffering and pleasure of life, love for those who love you as well as those who resent you; Everything is one. We are all a part of the same roots. We are all recycled, reconstituted parts of nature. Nothing more, nothing less. With this in mind, how could one hate someone else? After all, they are me as much as I am them. Not to mention, stoic control is all about controlling your desires and setting yourself back on the path. Avoiding indulgence in your emotions is a key aspect of stoicism, and so it goes without saying that the problem of hatred is soon solved through enough mindfulness and practice.
Secondly, the proverbs. Although many of the proverbs are cliché to us, and have thus lost their meaning for most people, the ancient philosophical proverbs are actually incredibly profound if you engage with them in a meaningful way. For example, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be One.” is a quote from the famous stoic, Marcus Aurelius. Upon hearing this from an elder or a teacher, we might roll our eyes and simply ignore them, yet the statement itself carries a lot of weight! We shouldn’t waste so much time bickering about who does what, how we should behave, or judging other people and their behavior; We should instead devote our time to being that of which we wish to see in the world.
Of course, there are a plethora of proverbs which unfortunately suffer from the same affliction, but continued expansion on my point is not necessary. The point here is, when you engage with philosophy in a meaningful, thoughtful way, even if said philosophy may seem like a topic that’s been talked to death, you will find added meaning to it, and you will be able to see said philosophy in a new light with far more clarity.
Conclusion
My send-off to you is this; Engage with philosophy. Engage with the works of humanity’s greatest minds, try to understand how they thought, what they experienced. You will find yourself in a new environment, and your eyes will open to see the world, the people around you, and the universe as something far more profound and interesting than you would without philosophy. What I am trying to describe here is very difficult to put into words, but I can only describe this way of seeing the world as awe-inspiring, as something so profound it penetrates to the very core of your being. It truly is beautiful to see the world this way.
As always, thank you all for reading, and give me your criticisms in the comments below.
Sources and Further Reading.
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