5 Days to Go: Turning 50! 50 GlowTips I’m sharing to Spread the Glow!

Bettina Moss
Dec 27, 2014 · 3 min read

5 Days to go until I turn 50! So I’ve decided to share 50 GlowTips to Get Your Glow ON — one per day, in no particular order of importance and just as they come to me…

And here’s GlowTip 46: Detach, take a step back — and tune into the Good Stuff!

I’m an emotional, passionate person. I feel things deeply. I love something or I can’t be bothered. When I love something, or someone, I love to express it! I’m happy to shout it from the rooftops. I love to celebrate love! I’m not the kind of person who plays it cool.

And when I’m feeling hurt, I’m emotionally wounded, bruised and bleeding. There’s no middle ground.

I was once told by an older, wiser woman not to wear my heart on my sleeve. “I can’t help it”, I remember telling her. “That’s who I am.”

A then a few years ago I had an eye-opening, life-changing experience. I was being dropped at the airport for an overnight flight to London, by one of my nearest and dearest.

When we arrived at the airport this person got into an altercation with another driver, after having ignored my warning not to do what they were doing (having a tantrum about parking and sitting with their hand on the car hooter — bloody rude, bad manners and actually, illegal!) Someone else actually got out of another car and came over to tell this person that their behaviour was unacceptable!

Then the person started attacking me, calling me all sorts of names and screaming at me to get out of their car.

Well, I was only to happy to do so! I remember walking in to the airport check-in feeling shattered, but grateful that I was getting away. And as I sat on the plane, about to drift off to sleep — it occurred to me that this person had major anger issues. Their behaviour was irrational — and it had nothing to do with me!

And then I had the strangest sensation of seeing my life with this person from above — like I was watching it all happen below me. And I realised that I wasn’t the bad guy. All the years that they’d been attacking me was not because it was my fault. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I couldn’t have been all those things they said I was, growing up — I was just an innocent child! And all they’d been doing for years was taking out their pain, anger and frustration on me.

It was the biggest relief to realise this. And the start of a process of my emotional freedom. I began to detach.

And since then I’ve learned to take a step back out of my feelings — to see the situation for what it really is; to view it ‘from above’ and to make an objective assessment. And often that looks very different from the way that I saw it before.

It’s hard to be objective when we’re feeling strong emotions like fear, hurt and even the good feelings, like elation. Our emotional filters often blind us to what’s really going on.

It’s a strange and emPowering sensation to take step back from anything or anyone that’s distressing you. Whatever felt so huge and overwhelming suddenly diminishes. When you detach from someone else’s anger and rage, you suddenly realise how small, ridiculous and rather sad they appear.

Often our own feelings and other people’s feelings can overwhelm us. And taking a step back gives us the space we need to put things in perspective. Viewing life ‘from above’ always brings the most enlightening and helpful insights!

You don’t have to hide your feelings. And you don’t have to pretend to feel anything differently than you do (because that’s impossible — our feelings will always manifest themselves anyway!). I don’t try to pretend that I don’t care, when I really and truly very much do.

But if I’m feeling overpowered by my own, or anyone else’s emotions — then it helps to detach and take a step back. I’ve started to do this instinctively now. So instead of being part of the drama, I tune into the Good Stuff and Get my Glow ON!