Fixing ERP Systems
My employer’s fiscal year-end reminded me of this very needed device.
Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP) systems, as you may know, are inherently horrible. They have to serve many types of users all at once from the same interface. Breaking them down leads to incompatibilities and they are already such huge hydras that developing custom interfaces for each user type is a lost cause. Therefore these systems are universally terrible.
However, I, your humble servant, have found a solution. With the money I raise in this campaign, I will build an external device that you attach to your computer that will improve any ERP system. The ERP system will need to be instrumented slightly to alert on successful processes, however as all ERP systems are capable of generating more email than the spam armies of the world combined, I don’t think this will be a problem.
This magical dongle, yes, dongle, the only possible word, will connect to any laptop or PC. It has USB and serial port interfaces. Yes, that serial port. Yes, those computers are still in use by ERP system jockeys. The box is powered via the USB port and will support an auxiliary power connection when used with the serial connection. The box comes in two flavors, ERPFix-mini for infrequent sufferers and ERPFix-OMG for frequent sufferers.
Magical looking isn’t it :). Here is the basic functionality. Every time the user successfully completes a multi-step task, such as creating a PO or receiving an invoice they will be instantly rewarded. Users of the ERPFix-mini will immediately receive one Hershey’s Kiss Chocolate piece. The kiss will be ejected from the box and made available for immediate consumption. Users of the executive add on, planned for round 2 of our funding campaign, will receive a specific kiss flavor based on the complexity of the task. Users not based in the United States will get to experience the joys of American chocolate or they can buy our Belgian add on option.
For our frequent sufferers, the ERPFix-OMG will simply pour a shot. The alcohol used is decided by each individual company’s policy. Honestly, after the third or fourth task of the day most users won’t even care what it is, so I fully expect most company’s will go with some form of rotgut alcohol.
Boom! There you have it, ERP fixed. Now, I’m off to get some chocolate …
Originally published at www.winglemeyer.org on April 20, 2017.