Bye.

“I’ll miss you.” I told him as I rested my head onto his shoulders. Well of course, all I felt were those familiar nimble under my chest. I felt his lips trembled as he pressed them gently onto my temples, barely kissing it. The smell of that perfume wafted through my mind as I recalled its familiarity way back when. He placed his hands over my shoulders, stroking the edges; his gestures, rough and awkward. When was the last time? I asked myself. Just in that friendly embrace, I felt the familiarity of the warmth and safety of our relationship. Somewhere between the distance between our heads, or our hearts, I felt my body shaking to the frightening nostalgia that welled up in me.

“If I can, I wouldn’t want to let you go.” He whispered in my ears, slowly stuttering in his words, getting the feeling that it was relieving to have finally gotten those words spoken. He took my hand and held it tighter. I chuckled a little whilst staring into his shameful and uneasy grimace. He shied away from my stare as he set a smile that seems to agitate my denying heart.

For the very last time, I was taking my heart out and laying it, bare. Not knowing how this will do, I though it would be fair enough for me to just let him know some parts I have disclosed the entire time. The blurred lines we have had for this period of time have probably left us in utter confusion and worse, oblivion. I hope he feels the same way too, I thought. I was partially ready and in that period of doubt, I may have realized my time was now. I wanted to remember what it feels like to be human with him. And I am just as vulnerable as any other people out there. I want to feel hurt, to less expect. Whatever consequences I placed myself in, I wanted to do it for him.

“Come with me.” We laid still and his eyes reddened slowly. I saw that his eyes were glassy, incapable of hiding his bravery and masculinity away.

Maybe it was difficult for me to let go, and just maybe — I would want to feel his hands tremble against mine as the warmth pranced around my soft fingers and palm. I am aching to reminisce about our flaws; how he and I both fall short under our humanly sin of disappointing one another. Maybe we did upset each other a little too much. Maybe he and I had too many excuses to make up and troubles to avoid. Other than that, I wanted remember the trickles of emotions that we pour onto each other and even the trust we’ve built all these years. Maybe that companionship, I just kind of missed it for a while. Those made it difficult for me to forget. Because putting it in a sickly way, you have kind of been perfect for me. I wanted to relive the naiveté of a youth-constructed love, a reckless yet slow and painstaking kind of love.

He stroked my hair gently as we breathed in an unsynchronized manner. I felt his chest expanded and contracted as he breathed heavily, maybe trying to stifle his aching heart.

In that silence, I fell for him even more before. I saw his eyes speaking genuinely of the truth he has been hiding away. He took them out slowly as I began to look into the way he yearned for a miracle, maybe an accident, so that our paths would finally cross for the second time. I thought I did want that more than he did.

He kissed the palm of my hands and then my cheeks, smiling. He wiped away the tears and sweat that ran in rivulets on my face.

Somewhere in that silence, he murmured the words I love you.