Leaving Home 

A month and a half (by faith) is short and knowing that the time I have is now, there are just too many questions besetting that demands for immediate answers. These questions are all in my head — I am not trying to sound contemplative or overthink too much of what’s going to happen — but the unclearness and uncertainty I may be facing soon just frightens me even more. I know I want to take a leap of faith and just face whatever uncertainty and change there are in the next few years or so. But the thought of having to grow up within that process is more than just making life commitments and trying to become a mature, a better person than I am now. It requires more than just what the lips (and the heart) has to say.

I guess it is the change factor; the second half of my university life is really what perturbs me now and then. I am and am still deeply attached to all the memories I made and will make for another one month in my beloved city. My heart glitches every time with the thoughts of leaving home, leaving my friends and family, and I guess leaving someone that has become dear to my heart. I pull back those feelings and I am blinded by what lies out there, just begging and crying day by day. I guess I have been shunning away the exciting thoughts of change. The grips of my hands are tighter than ever, barely leaving any space behind for any of those that are more than eager to ease the tight clasps of my current memories.

I wanted an answer to what lies out there — what Australia will mean to me and how the next year or so will be for me. My head just needs to tilt back to the front, willing to anticipate and change that misery of uncertainty to excitement. Just be excited about life, I thought. The things that are meant for me will still be there, regardless of time and space. I wanted to ease the tension that has been there with the fear of losing beloved ones. There comes a time where I just have to believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence — everything that is meant to be a part of my life, will come back. Thus, this course of my life will be a determinant to that.

I wanted to loosen the clasps of my hand.