I was fortunate to meet Mark the second week I arrived in the US. Mark was nice, sexy, and similar age of me. I liked this boy and to some extent he showed interest on me too.
I tend to know people by their stories; Mark told me his stories. I love to offer my stories back; this time I didn’t have much to offer.
Mark told me he had to begin working after high school to support his family; I said “Ah I’m sorry”. Mark took out a student loan to fund his education, while the tuition was just $900 per year; I texted “Oh I’m sorry”. Mark was sick so I told him to see a doctor, but simply seeing a doctor would make him broke; I replied “Sorry I’m really sorry.”
I said sorry but I could not sorry enough. I saw on TV that children had to work for money, but my family never required me to work or suspend my education. I heard US universities could be expensive, but I was still paying $60,000 per year for tuition. I got to know how scary healthcare bills could be, while I was easily able to get premium insurance that covered nearly the whole amount of my specialty drugs, totaling several thousand dollars per month. Mark had none. He knew it. He lived it.
I knew life was difficult but I never thought life could be this tough. I thought I understood people’s hardship but the hardship could be so real and my understandings were so pale. I was naïve to underestimate empathy as “showing you’re sorry” but in reality, people who do experience real life talk life differently. I felt sorry for Mark, but was incapable to fully resonate with his stories. I was guilty. I was lonely. I can’t connect.
I came to the United States trying to figure out why it can be the greatest country in the world. Four years ago when I first arrived in Shanghai, and two years ago when I first stepped onto the soil of Hong Kong, my purpose has never changed ever since: to know why they are strong, and to know how I can be strong. I was once fascinated with technology, but normal people have ultimately given me the most inspiration. Not Fortune 50 CEOs, not presidential candidates. Just normal, ordinary people with their stories. I want to connect. I want to care.
There’s much to do. Lots of culture stuff to adapt to and a lot to experience. It’s going to be painful but I shall also be strong. Loneliness can seem endless but I shall have someone who is kind enough to be patient with me.
For Marky, his plan is to get a degree in five years and become a designer. He always sings about his dream, and I guess only when someone knows exactly the harsh way ahead, will he get that excited for finally achieving his dream. His suffer is real; his happiness is real. His life is real.
