To my Therapist.
I’m sorry that I lied.
I’m sorry that I lied about being open to you and letting my walls down. I’m sorry because even I believed it.
I’m sorry that I lied about my childhood not affecting my present life because it has a lot to do with my life as of right now.
I have commitment issues because my own dad couldn’t commit to me. And I used to lie just like him probably worst than him. Now I have to think and make sure I’m telling the truth every time I talk to someone. Which I should honestly stop doing because I haven’t lied in a very long time. Well, until I met you.
Being touched as a little girl messes with me till this day. I dealt with boys and men that treated me like an object because I thought those were the type of guys I deserved. It has made me over protective of the girls in my family and second guess the men in my family that has never caused harm. It made me comfortable in being promiscuous and not care about my body.
I make myself think I have it all together but inside I’m screaming or just numb. I used duct tape to mend my brokenness but it won’t stick. Ain’t that something?
I really do believe in God and because of him, that’s why I’m able to sit here and admit these things right now. Yes, I know it’s not to you directly but it is something.
But when I speak to you again, I’ll be honest. I’ll release all of me so you can help me put the pieces together again.
I mean, it’s a start, right?