Introducing SpankMyBittCoin
The Semi-Intrinsically Valuable Digital Currency of the Future
Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and the rest of the cryptocurrency gang have been under fire by elites in academia and government since their conception. Former Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan, voiced a common-held concern for these currencies last year, saying that they have no intrinsic value.
Intrinsic value is defined as an ethical or philosophical value that an object has “in itself” or “for its own sake.” A cow has intrinsic value because it can be eaten or milked or used to produce more cows, even if you aren't using it to trade for wheat or a wife — this is why many early monetary systems were based on cattle.
Over time, societies have moved away from currencies that are fundamentally intrinsically valuable in the traditional sense to fiat currencies (that are backed governments and valued through monetary policy) and currencies based on precious metals that are not really intrinsically valuable but are nonetheless said to be.
The USD today is a fiat currency, and is valuable because the government will throw you in jail if you do not observe its value.
The USD before 1971 was based on the gold standard, and was valuable because each dollar could be traded for a piece of gold, which is valuable because it is rare, just like locks of Justin Bieber’s hair.
In both forms of the USD, the physical paper money has no fundamental intrinsic value. The only things a dollar can be used for is starting a fire or wiping your butt. If the government collapsed (as many have throughout history) or gold went out of style, then the USD would have nothing behind it, nothing backing it, and with no real intrinsic value it might struggle to remain a dominant currency.
And this point is also exactly why cryptocurrencies scare/annoy the crap out of economists: they are unregulated, decentralized, not based on any precious metal, and have no fundamental intrinsic value.
Today, I’d like to reveal a project that I've been working on that I think has potential to partially solve this problem and be
the first semi-intrinsically valuable digital currency.
Introducing SpankMyBittCoin
SpankMyBittCoin is a cryptocurrency that is based on and transmitted through spanks. Here’s how it works:
Technology
The amount of SpankMyBittCoin transmitted is a result of the number of spanks multiplied by their intensity. A cab ride might cost a light tap while a new car might require several massive spanks to complete the transaction.
To make a transaction, users open the SpankMyBittCoinbase mobile application and spank the receiving user with their phone in hand. The application measure the quantity and intensity of spanks and automatically sends the correct SpankMyBittCoin via Bluetooth to the receiver’s phone.
For online transactions, a user must find a surrogate spankee to spank in place of the individual or entity that is accepting the payment digitally. While it is best to ask permission, transactions can be made by spanking people completely unaware. The surrogate spankee takes a small portion of the transaction if it is of significant magnitude.
Benefits of SpankMyBittCoin:
- Spanks have fundamental intrinsic value: They transfer kinetic energy from one person to another and give the receiver pleasure. Spanks will always be worth something simply because everyone needs a good spanking every once in a while.
- Only a limited number of Spanks can be circulated at a time: It is a function of the total amount of energy participants in a spanking economy have divided by opportunities to spank.
- Spanks retain value over time, resisting inflation: A swift and firm spank feels swift and firm today and swift and firm 10 years from now.
- SpankMyBittCoin could revitalize the economy: It is estimated that Americans perform up to 2.3 billion spanks a day for pleasure. SpankMyBittCoin transforms these spanks into transactions, and thus circulates more currency throughout the economy than before.
- Spanks as a currency could curb greed: Too many Spanks would result in a sore butt, so there is little incentive to hoard more currency than one needs.
