No one knows the weight of the world she holds on her shoulders. A dark cloud follows her as she walks around trying to escape the brokenness that she feels in her soul. She can see she’s running out of time, and yet she tells no one because she’s afraid of the judgement others will bring on her life. Like a judge slamming a gavel to convict, they send her off to a lonely prison that she calls her mind. She’s so broken but she keeps trying to glue herself together so nobody can see the cracks appearing all over. She thinks in her mind and soul is not strong enough to support her insecurities, but yet she still gives the world the love she thinks it needs to survive.
She spends most of her days wondering what everyone would think of her if the they stepped into her mind, into the horror movie she calls her existence. They see her struggle, but they pass by without asking if she’s okay because they’re so used to her being this way. They guess the pain on her face is just normal. So they keep walking. No words exchanged. No words of forgiveness. The boy who she thought loved her the most didn’t help her in her time of pain. No text, no call, and yet she still stays. She knows in her heart she must go because she holds him back, but in her heart she’s conflicted because she loves him.
The emotions she expresses no one ever sees, for they come out as tears on her pillowcase while she tries to sleep. She allows the fear of what’s next to consume the only joy and happiness that she ever feels. She knows they’ll all leave her behind because they all do. So she destroys the relationship, because in her mind because it seems like the best thing to do. She doesn’t know what will happen next, but as long as the future isn’t like this she’s fine with it in the end.
This is a rough journey no one can see. It’s in her mind, but one day she’ll find that she can truly be free.