What the First Week Back At Work After Maternity Leave Is Actually Like
Returning to work after a vacation is hard. Returning to work after maternity leave is brutal. Every day, working moms head back to work from — for the fortunate among us — three months of maternity leave. (The fact that every woman isn’t guaranteed 12 weeks of paid maternity leave in the U.S. is a whole other issue.) According to the U.S. Department of Labor, 57 percent of women with a child under the age of 1 participate in the workforce. Whether it is your first kid or your fourth, the maternity-leave-back-to-work transition requires Herculean efforts on every human level. Here’s what to expect from one of the toughest transitions of your life.
Planning is the golden ticket. Not everyone is a planner, but the reality is that spontaneity is for people with no kids. You’re now getting ready for two (or more) and all the accoutrements that come with a new baby are daunting. Mornings will be both unpredictable (a post-feeding blowout, perhaps?) and jam-packed, so rely heavily on getting everything done the night before. Pack the diaper bag for daycare, take a shower, lay out clothes for both you and baby, put together lunches, wash and fill bottles, pack up the car and set the timer on the coffeemaker. The act of planning ahead will pay you back tenfold in the morning after yet another sleepless night.
The morning drop-off is tough. Whether its tears, a long sigh of relief, a cold sweat or a pain in your chest, you will have a physical reaction to leaving your baby for the first time. Mamas are hardwired to be with their babies, especially their very young babies. Pull the car over and breathe through it. Although it’s hard to imagine, it will get easier — give yourself time to adjust. And, if you have someone in your life that you trust, such as a spouse or family member, who can do the first week of drop-offs for you, get them to do it. You’ll still likely cry, but at least you won’t have witnesses.
Co-worker empathy lasts until lunchtime, day 1. There are people in the office who have kids and people who don’t. Those who don’t nod in agreement about the difficulties of transitioning back to work but ultimately cannot relate. The co-workers who do have kids remember their re-entry differently and most times, he or she adjusted better — so get it together. Or they had it harder than you (read: colic, etc.) — so get it together. Everyone, including yourself, will be putting pressure on you to “get it together,” but you are the only one who can give yourself grace to ease into this new phase of life. Do it without apology.
Pumping at work sucks. Although the first few weeks of breastfeeding are tough, those who do it are usually in a groove by 12 weeks — and then you have to head back to work. Whether you have your own office or have to pump in a depressing space like the ones recently featured on Elle.com, pumping at work feels cold and clinical. (You also have to figure out how to shoehorn two or three pumping sessions into your busy work day; set an alarm as a reminder.) To help with milk letdown, keep plenty of pictures or videos of your little one on your phone. The good news is pumping at work becomes routine — and don’t be surprised if it soon feels like this weird (sometimes stressful) game to see how many ounces you do (or don’t) get each day.
There will be guilt. The ever-present thoughts of not being enough to anyone or anything, anytime or any place are now constant companions. The good news is there will be moments when you think you’re doing it all well. Enjoy them because they’re fleeting. Every mother has guilt at some point, so you might as well make peace with it. And if you need someone to talk to, find yourself a mom squad who can remind you that you’re not alone — and your baby won’t even remember those days she was the last one picked up at daycare.
Thinking is hard. You’ll quickly find that your brain just isn’t what it was before kids. The difficulty switching gears from establishing sleeping and eating schedules to presentations and strategic plans has been entirely underestimated. Your new mom self quickly realizes just how smart your pre-mom self had to be just to do your job, and now you have two jobs that require uniquely different skill sets. Trying to prioritize work for eight hours a day takes practice. You’ll get back into the swing of things, just don’t expect to be able to turn projects around on a dime right away.
Overcompensating is futile. Women have the distinct desire to be the best mother, wife, employee, sister, friend, hostess and yoga student — and for what? You’ll just run yourself into the ground trying to do it all. And there’s nothing on the other side of all that overcompensating but more overcompensating. So, don’t do it. Do what you can when you can, and most importantly: Ask for help. Friends and family (especially other mamas) understand how hard it is to juggle work and family, so don’t be afraid to ask for a life vest when you feel like you are drowning. And finally, remember: Life is full of ever-changing seasons. Soon this season will be over, and another season will take its place. Maybe then you’ll be able to juggle more, or maybe you won’t. The beauty of life is you get to figure out what works best for you and your family.
The article originally appeared on Modernae.com a pop culture-free lifestyle website for 21st century women.
