2023 End of year Reflection Questions
And my personal answers..
Thank you Rochelle Deans for writing these questions. I have decided to dive in and answer them. I haven’t written on medium in a while and I randomly searched for writing challenges and that is how I found your article of questions.
So, here is the article you posted for anyone else who wants to answer and reflect on 2023.
Ok, I am copying your questions and then I will answer below each one.
- In what ways did your year get documented? Think beyond any attempts at planners: social media, Goodreads, emails sent and received, texts, photos, documents, projects in places like Canva… even without taking the time intentionally, it’s likely your life was documented. Write these down as ideas on where to look to reflect on 2023.
My year of 2023 got documented in my many journals. I wrote and wrote and wrote all year long. I usually don’t go a day without journaling about something. When I go to therapy, I take notes. When I go to a meeting, I take notes. I like to get out my thoughts on paper and this helps me process them. I also took up short video recordings of myself through the year. I don’t know where the thought came from, but I ran with it one day early in my sobriety and it stuck. I usually just take a selfie video and talk about how I am feeling or what I have learned or anything really. I have a small white board in my room that helped me count my days sober (in earlier sobriety). Now, I use the board to write the name of the month we are in and little positive sayings to remember such as “Live and Let Live,” “Protect Your Peace,” “Seek the Truth.” It's really whatever comes to my mind in that 1st day of the new month. I also took a lot of pictures in 2023. Mostly of my stray Cat that I found who had the most adorable 6 kitties in April. I also took pictures of myself during my weight loss journey.
2. Which of these would be most helpful in reviewing your year? Don’t hold yourself to specific percentages, but think of the 80/20 rule here: which 20% of possible documentation locations hold 80% of the data you need to reflect?
My photos only because I don’t feel like re-reading my (at least 3) journals from the past year.
3. Using only the source you decided on in step two, document your year month by month. Make a list of what you find: projects started or finished, vacations taken, new work, fun moments, little accomplishments, big shifts, mindset changes, anything that feels relevant. Don’t comment on anything at all at this point. Just list it.
January: My first sober New Years (spent alone with my 2 dogs). A trip to Seal Beach with my hubby. A trip to the Santa Ana Zoo and Mexican Food. Dog Beach with the dogs. Raw Milk vs. Kefir at a Farmer’s Market. Screenshots of online shopping clothing.. uh oh.
February: A trip to a new park nearby with the dogs. My arrangements of plants on the patio. Lunch date with my Mom at Lazy Dog. Valentines Day Flower surprise. Sightings of several stray cats. A trip to Idyllwild with my hubby and the dogs and getting snowed in for an extra night. Snow boots for the dogs. Yoga and laughing in our Air bnb. Pictures of paintings done by my sponsor.
March: Finding a White Cat on my 90th day sober and bringing her inside. Saving phone numbers of other people in the same 12-step program as me. Finding out my brother and girlfriend were expecting a baby in September of 2024. Sharing that I am sober with the two of them that day. A trip to Costco, World Market and Grandmas house. Attending meetings. More online shopping. Going to Uncle and Aunts house for a family birthday party. Trying to put the cat on a leash. A trip to the vet for the Cat. Dachshund Race. Home depot run for more plants. The Big Book. Pregnant belly pictures. Sushi dinner with family.
April: Coffee date with my Aunt. “There is a solution” underlined in book. Mindset shift with working hard on self-evaluation and digging up some dark shit. You can’t heal what you can’t feel. Connecting on the phone with an old highschool friend who is also sober. Magnesium supplements research for sleep. Katella Deli Passover Dinner with family. Matzo ball soup. Easter Sunday at my Cousin’s Church. Car selfies. Aunt’s house for an Easter visit when my sister avoided us like the plague…weird vibes. Then, going to my in-laws for a Passover lunch leftover sesh. Rabbit in their back yard sighting (huge one). Daily Devotional at my desk talking about “you’re about to bloom.” A visit at my Moms where I saw both my step sisters and step niece (8 years old). Muse Concert with my husband at the Honda Center. Feeling present and alive. Farmer’s Markets. A very pregnant kitty. Lunch date with my mom. Steak in the cast iron. “Staying in the Light” mindset from my devotional. More online shopping screenshots. Calling out of work for the kitty birth morning (6 kitties later). OMG this is really happening and woah how crazy cool to experience. Visit to a nearby dog park. Salmon with homemade plantain chips. Kitty cuteness overload. The Getty Villa Museum trip with my husband. Being amongst so much beauty and art. Dukes in Malibu while we whale watched. One eyed Willy kitty. Thriving blooming pink bougainvillea on our patio.
May: Out to dinner to celebrate my cousin’s 30th birthday along with her friends I did not know. Mother’s day lunch with my mom and a cowboy hat gift. Flower nursery stroll on my lunch break. Purple salvia plant in the dog run at our complex. Kitty content everywhere. Co-worker gathering at Medieval Times. Feeling ok not drinking while everyone else was. California Fish Grill lunch meetup with my Mom. Mind shift change learning that “[I] am not responsible for my moms trauma.” Also, being told that I should “keep shining.” Costco runs with my husband and finding Vanilla Crème Brulee. Online shopping again. Harry with an old man filter on (hilarious to me). Hibiscus on our patio blooming. “Wild Bird Crossing” sign sighting in my in-laws backyard as the dogs run wild. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart” sign that I made years ago. Selfie with the in-laws in their backyard for Mother’s Day. Dog Beach on a mid week day off. My mom’s pictures of their visit to AZ to see my Brother and Diana. Plumeria starting to sprout finally after years. Kitties crawling. Connecting with new people. A stray black Cat patio visitor that wouldn’t leave. Grandma’s birthday celebration in her backyard and I told her “Breathe God in, breathe self out.” Pup cup from Chick-fil-A for Smokey.
June: Kitties fit in my hat. Donut bobbing contest at work. Kitties in a Sephora box. Dogs and kitties snuggle. Praying for my sponsor’s 92 year old father who she takes care of. 6 months sober. Phone call with my Dad and him recommending books to read on religion. Kitties playing with fish toy in a bowl of water. Took mama cat to the vet to get fixed to be less mean to the dogs. Shopping Mall Boutique. Kitties climbing up curtains. Sending my brother and his girlfriend my poem I wrote in a card. Fourth of July Patio decorations involving gnomes. Pink Lilies on the patio. Trip to the Lavender Farm with my husband. My first time ever in an Ikea with my husband. Flowers. A possum sighting on our patio. Taking before pictures of myself as I was prepping to embark on a weight loss journey. Loss and grief. 200th day sober. Heaviness. Birds. Butterflies. San Pedro show watching my husband play music. The moon. Tears. My therapist. Taking the time to grieve. The mourning butterfly everywhere. Trip to Seal Beach and seeing the water and flowers. Orange bird sighting at a flower nursery. Diana’s Dark Chocolate ice-cream bars. Kitty snuggles. No makeup days. Trip to home depot for plants. Feeling of being numb and sitting with that. Drawing and coloring. Laying on the ground on the patio. Prayer. Journaling. Going to meetings. Talking with my sponsor.
July: “June Bloom?” on my white board this month. Laying out in the sun. Grounded. Mourning butterfly. Coffee date with a dear friend that I hadn’t talked to in years. Full moon. Dogs and cats being adorable together. Meeting my Aunt at Starbucks as we shared a cry. Greeted with flowers and a “wishing you God’s Peace” card at my desk at work. Connecting with women grieving who I did not know. Yin and Yang (black and white) kitties cuddling. Husband takes a trip to Washington for a week. Dog run. Trip to Balboa Island with family. Start of my diet endeavor on July 18th. More before pictures and measurements. Catholic Church dinner with family. “Rejoice in our sufferings.” My brother starting to build a cabin in remembrance of his love. Pictures of the progress of the building. Coffee date with my mother in-law. Courage rock. Breakfast date with my mom. More flowers from Home Depot. Painting sign for Celebration of Life.
August: Orange and yellow flowers on trees. Trip out to AZ for Celebration of Life and family time. Dogs. Air bnb. Desert sun. Peace. Sadness. Feeling of faith over fear as I spoke at the Celebration of Life. Guitar playing. Connecting with others in grief. Seeing the cabin. Seeing old friends. Hugs and no hugs. Artwork. Visit to a horse stable with family. Realization that some “family” members feel cold and like strangers. Cowboy boots. My 31st birthday at the Sawdust Art Festival with my husband. Turquoise rings and stories. Connection with strangers. Art everywhere. Laguna Beach visit and a Mexican food dinner. Peaceful and serene feeling. Sunset. “Cover me in sunshine.” Meeting my in-laws new dog on my Dad’s birthday. Appetizers after work with my mom at her favorite new Seafood Spot. Bristol Farm browse. Feather sighting outside my front door. Picture of sparrow feather my brother sent me from the cabin. Connection and signs. Boutique mall shopping with the in-laws followed by a lunch at Rodrigo's. Saint Francis necklace. Monarch butterfly necklace gifted to me. Pictures of healthy dinners while sticking to my strict diet. Online shopping browsing again.
September: Fall decorations up. Exciting and fun. Warm colors. A trip to see a friend’s band play at a German Village nearby. Flowers and butterfly sightings. Blooming Plumeria. Dog Beach. A very special gift from an old friend I reconnected with. Lavender card, essential oils, tinctures for grief and “Heart-Full Tea.” Catholic church dinner with family and friends. New experiences with nice and warm company. Custom made butterfly turquoise necklace that my cousin made for me with “you got this, sis” on the back along with John 6:35 and my loved one’s initials who passed away. My husband and my sponsor share the same birthday. Out to dinner for crab legs with my husband. Progress not perfection with everything in life. Going to meetings. Kitty Cuddles. Dinner at a Jewish Deli with family to celebrate my husband’s birthday. Healthy food.
October: Another trip to the boutique mall and lunch after. Halloween decorations. Orange. Lunch with my Mom and responding to her saying you look so pretty with “I feel pretty.” Healing from the inside out. Painting of an orange sign that I wrote the verse “I am the bread of life.” Noticing weight loss and taking some pictures. Taking girl kitty to the vet to get fixed. Rehoming 2 of the kitties to friends. Walking kitty on a leash in the park on my lunch break with my husband. Piano playing. Halloween desk decorations at work. Spooky vibes. Skeleton onesies with my co-workers at work. My hanging plant got out of control (in a good way). Thinking, do I have a green thumb? Fun Halloween fun at work with co-workers.
November: A walk with the dogs at Huntington Beach. Sunshine and shorts. Realizing how healthy I feel while I was walking that day. Dinner date with my husband at Gaucho Grill. Dressing up fancy and eating really good food. Got a huge cheetah print cat tower. Went to see the Taylor Swift Eras movie with my cousin and friends. Grew some serrano red peppers. Put kitty sweaters on the kitties. Advent dog and cat calendars from trader joes. Cats sleeping in the bookshelves. Meeting my Dad and step-mom for dinner. Plant therapy on my patio. Dog park on Memorial Day and then a visit to get more plants. Mourning butterfly. Lunch with Mom on my lunch break. Cooking a potato dish to bring to my Aunt and Uncle’s house for Thanksgiving. Karaoke with my cousin and her daughter. Good food and company. My in-laws came over to hangout and then we got lunch at California Fish Grill. Essential oil making hobby started.
December: Christmas lights up on our patio. Cozy tea time outside. Meetings. Weekly phone calls with a friend who lives in Colorado. Therapy. Continuing going to meetings. Still eating healthy. Babysat my second cousins. Walked the dogs. Our flooring in our condo got replaced. Celebrated 1 year of sobriety this month. Picked out a few more plants and flowers. A trip to a German deli for the Christmas Market and dinner. Gingerbread decorating contest at work. Christmas Eve with my husband at Fashion Island and Balboa. Duck dinner and good conversation. Christmas festivities and gift exchanges with family. Kitties in gift bags. A trip to the Jewish Deli for breakfast. No drama during the holidays. No weird vibes. No weird bad company. Peaceful environment. Grateful and thankful.
4. OPTIONAL: Looking at each month as a whole, what moments stand out to you? What were, in hindsight, your linchpins? Moments things changed, whether they felt big at the time or not. Did anything change that’s become such a big part of you since that you can’t believe it was less than a year ago?
Yes. A lot of moments have changed my life. For one, finding my stray cat that I found out was pregnant on my 90 days being sober was interesting and changed my life. I thought, is this a sign? Perhaps God knew that I needed to be surrounded by lots of love especially in the months I faced ahead of me. 2023 is the year I turned into a cat person. I never grew up around cats so I had no clue what they were all about.
Losing my soon to be sister in law in June changed my life. I will never live life the same. My perspective and outlook has completely changed. I learned so much wisdom from her in the short amount of time that I knew her. I will cherish those times until the day I die. She was a doula and advocate for women's health and I learned so much from her already. I plan to continue to learn and keep an open mind to the whole home birth world that she so strongly advocated. She also taught be about being grounded and how important yoga and meditation is. I shared my sobriety journey with her and my brother and she was so happy and supportive of me and my journey. I know that she is still rooting me on in my journey. She always told me to “keep shining.” And that is what I aim to do.
I think that making the decision to go on a weight loss journey and then following through with that has changed my life as well. I was able to lose about 40 pounds since July. I no longer have prediabetes. I no longer have fatty liver disease either. I have healed internally and I think that is where the deep healing really comes from. Healing from the inside out has been my “why” that I did any positive changes this past year. I feel more like myself today and I learned that it is none of my business what other people think of me. I had to face myself in order to change and that was a scary thought for me. But, I did it.
Maintaining my sobriety and miracle has changed my life. I continue to do the work and lean on God for help every day. I cannot do it without Him. I don’t regret my past today. I have an experience that I can use to help others who have a similar struggle they may be facing. I do not promote my sober life.. rather.. I just live. If people ask, I will be happy to share. I live free today.
5. OPTIONAL: What hard moments do you see? Is there direct evidence of them, or are they more evident as a lack (of pictures, planning, emails sent, etc.)? How did you work through these moments?
Death of a loved one for sure. I was able to keep going with God’s help. My brother asked me to help me set up a gofundme account for him as he started to build a cabin in the desert in her honor. I remember telling him that it would be my honor to help him do that. He replied with, “you were the first person I thought of for help.” This really surprised me and warmed my soul.
6. We’ve talked a lot about what you’ve done and experienced, but what did you stop doing? This can be 100% for the better (smoking, assigning moral value to food, saying yes when you meant no), or a definitive step back for you (daily walks, yoga if you usually like it, planning, writing), or something more neutral.
Honestly, I stopped painting. I stopped eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to. I also stopped doing yoga. Its hard doing anything on the floor with as many animals that I have. But, I gotta get back into both of those things.
7.OPTIONAL: Choose a few things you stopped this year to write about in more detail. What made you stop? Was it intentional or accidental? Gradual or cold turkey? if it’s a win, take time to celebrate it. If it feels missing from your life now, how can you reinstate it?
My painting and yoga that I stopped doing was kind of accidental. I just haven't found enough urge to want to do those things. God and my sobriety come first in my life today. I have a full time job and live with 7 animals. Its been a lot. But, I need to get back into doing those hobbies that I love for sure. My weight loss journey was very intentional. I remember in June looking in the mirror and thinking, “damn, I am tired of feeling so unhealthy and trapped in my overweight body.” I knew I needed to do something. I knew that it came to point where bending over to put on my own shoes was a struggle and that was enough for me. I was fed up and tired of being stuck in negative eating patterns. So, I decided to get unstuck. I did a lot of research on nutrition and got to work. Any change starts with action. I can’t just think my way out of a unhealthy body. I gotta do something about it. Aside from walking, pretty much all of the weight loss had to do with what foods and drinks that I put into my body. My next endeavor will be working out and getting strong. I feel like since I shed a lot of the fat off my body, now its a great time to tone up.
8. OPTIONAL: If you started 2023 with any kind of intentions (goals, resolutions, words to live by), or ended 2022 with a reflection on that year, look at them now. With Past You in mind, write a letter [from] who you were on January 1, 2023. Would that person recognize you? How would they feel about your choices? About how you handled setbacks and challenges?
My word to live by in 2023 was “Courage.” It was a great word for the year. I had the intention to stay sober when I started 2023, and I DID IT.. one day at a time. I am proud of myself. I did a lot of healing and self work. The person I was in early 2023 would not recognize me today. This is a good thing. I finally have stepped into living an authentic and real life. I am very grateful for the life that I have today and the ones who have supported me along the way. My past me would be so stoked at how far we came. A letter from my past self on January 1, 2023 would say to me now: Wow, I can’t believe you made it this far. You did this sober thing you set out to do one day at a time. I know it was scary when you first started counting days in early sobriety and you were not sure if you could “belong” in a new realm of living.. but you did it. You didn’t know who you were in the beginning of this year, but now you do! Faith over fear. I am proud of the work you have done in all aspects of your life. You really did heal from the inside out as you kept reminding yourself throughout the year. You have gotten out of your comfort zone and have created new connections and experiences. You shine bright and you stay in your own lane. Your human and when you sway out of your lane, you have the tools you need to get back on track. You lean on God and others for help.. what a foreign concept compared to how you used to live. Your not afraid to face others and you live in the solution today. I am very proud of you. Keep going and know that your sister-in law Diana is always rooting you on from up above. She thinks your a badass and you are too shy to admit out loud that you think you are one too. Well done! You didn’t come this far to stop now. Keep doing action! Keep trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone. Life is for growing, learning and changing! Always keep an open mind and doing the next right thing. You got this. -From my past self Lauren
9. Less tangibly, did you learn anything about who you are or who you’re becoming? how have you embraced the person you’re uncovering?
Yes. Too much to write. I learned so much about who I am because of who I am allowing myself to become and am embracing it. I am a Child of God. He created me for a reason and I am the way that I am for a reason. I am here for a purpose and I live my life on purpose today. I am embracing my life and living life on life's terms one day at a time. Thank you God for 2023. Than you God for this exact moment.
I started writing this on 1/10/24 and that day would have been my sister in laws 28th birthday. Facebook reminded me with “Its Diana’s birthday, wish her the best!” I felt sick and wanted to throw my phone out the window. Instead, I decided to get off social media that day. She would be happy that I got off all social media and lived that day in her honor. Everything I did was intentional and I didn’t take it for granted. I went to work, texted my brother and Dad, wrote, got outside and walked in the sun, talked to new co workers, went to a meeting, and spent time with my husband talking about her.
Here’s to 2024! I hope to write more. Writing soothes my soul.
