Diary of a Dreamer: Constant Turmoil

I have learnt to lie, had my heart broken again and again, smile even though I’m hurting inside and learnt to pretend it’s okay when it’s far from that. I have been broken and bruised and each time I try to put all the pieces together, it gets harder to find happiness in anything. I have been pushed to the edge where I had to fight to not fall over and hated that.

I have given so much of myself to people that every time something goes wrong, it’s difficult to pull everything together and no matter how much I try to fix it, there’s always something broken, a hole somewhere that stays there like a void. There was this time when ‘M’ seemed completely removed from my mind. Like he was erased and my heart was like a blank slate. I was happy.. at least he didn't haunt my mind. But now, it’s all come flooding back. The suppressed memories and emotions without a hint, opened the floodgates.

For him I went all out. I started to fall for him too fast and too deep. Even though one day he will not matter to me, this part that belongs to him, I hope will be set free.