The Pressure of being Happy all the time

Bhakti Talati
Nov 2 · 3 min read
Source: Unsplash

Last night she woke up with a nightmare about being stranded all alone on a far away island — she put herself to sleep by telling her mind, it’s okay.
On the breakfast table, he had an argument with his dad regarding some business decisions. He plastered a fake smile on his face and left home.
She has been busy with meetings and has no time to chat with her mom for the past 3 days. She was upset but pretended otherwise.
He took almost double the time to reach office. He was irritated but forced himself to be in a cheerful mood.
He had been spending last 5 Christmas holidays without friends and family. Always wept by himself, never showing his pain to the world.

All these reactions, it’s okay — fake smile — pretend otherwise — forcefully cheerful, is not us — it’s a mask we put on because we don’t the world to see us as vulnerable. We are scared to show our real emotions and so we do what we know best, we hide. We have gotten so good at it doesn’t even seem difficult anymore.

Why is this? Why does everyone keep saying it’s okay when it’s not?

Why does the world keep grilling us to think positive all the time? Why do people have a problem when we cry? Why is there so much propaganda about self help and self motivation books? Why are social media timelines flooded with quotes of positivity? Why is it so important to be happy all the time?

Just thinking about this makes me exhausted! So exhausted!! Phew!!!

And the more I think about this the more I am convinced, being happy all the time is neither possible nor is it entirely healthy.

I mean, if a meeting goes bad, if you loose something small but valuable, if your friend is upset with you, if your date stands you up, if your parents don’t understand what’s going through your mind, if you read a disturbing news in the paper, if your partner is busy all the time, if you see a stray being hurt, if you see a child begging, you are allowed to feel upset. Not upset for the sake of it but upset till the time you feel the anger and the ache has left your heart.
It’s like negative thoughts are the villain to the hero called happiness.

Everyone tells you be happy, everyone tells you what you feel is under your control, but is it really?

What happens around you, leaves an imprint on you and affects your mood. #Fact

How can one be truly happy, if one cannot feel anything else.

There is an unwritten rule in “How to live your life” book, which has categorized issues/problems into two groups. Group 1 consists of issues related to money, job loss, illness and death and marriage of course. Group 2 has all the trivial day to day issues. As per this unwritten rule, if your problem is from G1, you have permission to grieve and unhappy. But if anyone dares to talk about everyday issues, they are told “it’s okay” in some manner.

Over time our heart and mind has got conditionally trained to not talk about small issues that keep bothering us constantly and continuously. In fact we have started believing that expressing will bring forth our vulnerability. That scares the shit out of us.

Why this constant pressure to be happy?

Running behind it, chasing it, is only taking happiness away from us. Making us more miserable, if I might add.

Not saying you should sulk all the time, or make no effort to be happy, Do everything, small or big that makes you genuinely happy,
just don’t force it upon you.

Smile, kiss, hug, laugh, cry, shout, shut up, miss someone, be sad, embrace every emotion.

With everything that we experience, emotions are bound to unpleasant, doesn’t mean they are not valuable.

Feel it all!!!

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