Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it!
Our life is just unpredictable, We meet someone who meant everything to us, then again for them we are just an option, isn’t it’s heartbreaking? It doesn’t only break your heart, it just breaks you inside out.
We have always learned to move on from someone that breaks you? but never mentioned how. Its not that easy, just not that easy to move on. We fall in love with someone who simply doesn’t value us, and then we have to keep on living with that pain through out our life.
A text received one day. “Hey xyz” I replied “Who?” He replied “Ahh! wrong number maybe?” “Can we be friends?” 17yrs , and immaturity , never thought what this gonna take me this through!
And it started.. That person had intentionally texted me, and pretended as he doesn’t know me. Ah! We enjoyed company, chatting -winters long night, enjoying moments, he knew all about me, he deliberately texted me. Taken my number in intention of flirting with me, after a month he proposed me. And then I after few days I accepted his proposal. After few days we met up at my place. he insisted me to take a picture together, I was scared yet allowed him, because I have always believed to love and trust the person whom you are with, never questioned his actions.
We started meeting so frequently that every week we used to meet for about 4 days, And that brought him to closer to me, for me he was the only one. Didn’t knew that , I was just a part of his trap.One day I received a picture of us from a blank number, WTF! I was scattered. Asked him, he told me that it was just a bet to see that after all this will you leave me or not? I was speechless! I was lost!. What to do? but I was stupid enough, I forgave. But i never wanted to lose him. I thought I will take him out of all this shit, and will make a better person. but every day became worst for me to live, He was not only with me , but every time with other girls,cheating on me was okay for him ,he never used to talk to me in a good manner, only used come up with sweet texts when he wanted to meet me, again in hope that one day he will change, I used to let it go..
Neither he changed neither I. My friends my sister every person who knew about us, wanted me to don’t give him a shit , but in order to be with him, I never listened to them, in result Ilost them all. I lied every time just to be with him, even when he was cheating on me. When ever he came up with Sorry, I forgave. We broke up many times but he showed himself tha he is changed and not gonna repeat it again and then we come along. Anyways, after two years of our relation he went to Australia, we hardly used to talk, there he started relation with a blonde, even never thought how badly I am in love with him. Always taken me for granted,even whenI loved him alot. what sacrifices I made for him that i cant tell in words, but yes he knows it all yet never loved me the way I loved him. not a bit of it.
We quit talking when he went there, hardly on snapchat, then I explored he is having physical relation with a girl, this time he didn’t lie, he accepted he is having a relation, I couldn’t do anything, I felt my self too alone, too lost, only I know what a worst situation tha was,I was just 19 but I was feeling used broken girl. scattered my love , my dreams.He gave me such pain I have to bear it for life time, because I know Im not gonna move on from this.
After few years, I started relying on a friend, he knew how badly I have been into this pain, he knew how its hard to forget him. He once proposed me, convincing me that he will help me in overcome my pain. We used to share our pain our good days, only after my ex, he became someone i could trust on, because after what happened i was not in condition trust anyone. yet i did, and you know what? HE WAS AN ASSHOLE. I started caring trusting loving, but he wanted to use me that’s it. Yet i tried for long to not let his relation over, because I was scared of the pain,I dont wanted this to happen it again, what I have been through. but you know what he taken me back to that pain I was running off! Back to I what I was running from.
Why always trusting someone left us in such pain? At least that person realized me that I was never over my first love. and It was already 6 years since we came closer, I loved him for 6 damn years, One day, he came back to Pakistan, I was not sure if I am gonna talk to him or not, but once day he texted me, talked to me as nothing happened but I showed my anger and talked less. One day at some session I faced him, I couldn’t say anything, left from there , eyes were filled in tears, Why he does this to me? Why always me? Why taken me for granted? Why my love was not enough for him ? These questions were killing me at that time. His pain just never let me live, never allowed me to move on,even now.
One day we had long conversation, I convinced him, that he is forgiven after he confessed that what ever he did was worst,and he is sorry about it,I was fool, I started meeting him again, I met him twice,we kissed we hugged,I started trusting him, hoping that atleast after 7 long years, he might have been matured now! But yes I was fool.
I was option , I was always an option, I was always his need maybe. He will never understand my sacrifices my love. But that’s true, I can’t forget him. He thinks I annoy him. He blocked me. After 7 years he again came closer in order to leave me. Shit! It’s unbearable. I can’t trust anyone. But I can’t fake my feelings for him.
To love him it’s not necessary to be with him!! I love him even he is not with me :) Love is not gonna change. In fact this has changed me alot. I am no more happy girl.
Just a piece of advice to readers, please just don’t let someone break you, don’t let someone take you for granted. I have experienced something I will always there to help people out from such tragic situation!!
Thanks for reading, Share that even anyone of usis going through same phase must stop,because these guys are not gonna change.