Hillary Clinton doesn’t control penises.

Hello. I am back again with an installment of ‘Things that Hillary Clinton doesn’t control’. Last time we were here we learned that ‘Hillary Clinton owes you nothing’, but it seems that since we last saw each other, people have once again become confused about Hillary Clinton. Let me help clear things up a bit for you.

Hillary Clinton does not control penises. Any penises. At all. It seems that since the news of Harvey Weinstein surfaced, people have been unfairly blaming Hillary and Democrats for things that he tried to do to satisfy his penis. Hillary Clinton had nothing to do with that. At all. I am pretty sure if he had said, “Hey Hillary! I am planning on trying to make my penis happy and boost my ego by using my power against young women, do you approve?”, she would have told him to seek help and put him on her mythical ‘enemies list’.

Another salient point made by myself to myself yesterday was, ‘if Hillary had control of penises, isn’t there a penis near her she would have controlled in the 90s?’. I believe my point is valid. I will not go into it because it is at this point, none of my fucking business. And if Democrats controlled penises, we would have damn sure controlled Anthony Weiner’s weiner. Just saying.

But the big thing that people seem to miss in their daily witch burnings of Hillary Clinton is…. TRUMP GRABS THEM BY THE PUSSY. And HE is the President, not her. You would think that making sure to flood social media with negative hit pieces on Hillary until they dragged her down and helped her lose would be enough for these idiots. But, no. They are still dragging her out for her daily stoning in the town square.