How to Declutter Your Stuff and Stay Sane
Breaking up with your possessions is an emotional journey.
As a kid, I hated to clean my room. I liked it cluttered, full of stuff — toys, notebooks, CDs, and later on, bottles of cream, make-up, piles of clothes, and other forbidden treasures, which I was hiding from my parents under a pile of more stuff. As a young adult, my attitude hasn’t changed much. Until now.
From a cleaning rebel, I became addicted to throwing out stuff, wiping down surfaces, regularly washing clothes, and making sure my four coffee cups are perfectly lined up in the pantry.
There are many types of people in the world. Those who treat their house like a sleeping place, and those who think of their home as the ultimate place to be — their secret sanctuary. I now fall under the third category: those who wake up and think about the boxes in the basement.
I can’t really pinpoint when this mindset shift took place, but the process happens natural — cleaning your house regularly, purging piles of useless things, grows on you. Not too mention the abundance of science-backed benefits. A clean house keeps cortisol levels down thus making people feel more relaxed and happier, helps you move more and get your physical activity levels up, and improves focus capacity.
You need to start small, and everything will follow. Because minimalism gets truly addictive.
But it’s not glamourous. It certainly doesn’t look very exciting. However, as Marie Kondo and other tidying up gurus would put it, living in an organized space brings joy, mental clarity, and gives you more control over your life. And that is worth the effort.
Imagine a world in which you are no longer searching for that white T-shirt under a pile of other ten more white T-shirts. No more being late because you cannot find your car keys. You can truly enjoy your garden now since it’s not a junkyard lot anymore.
Life feels good again.
The 5 Stages Of Grief
Breaking up with your possessions it’s an emotional journey. It will take you back and forward in a rollercoaster of memories, long gone times, and will make you rediscover the lost dimensions of your very own personality.
I bet you forgot you used to be a punk kid in high school. Or that you liked to blast that Metallica album when your parents were not at home. But 10 years later, why are you still hanging onto those things? Are they gathering dust, or are you using them?
Stage One: Denial
I don’t own that many crappy things.
I used these lights two years ago for Christmas.
I will need those extra four sweaters in case it gets really cold when we’ll go skiing in February.
I can’t throw out my old laptop (which I replaced 2 years ago) since it still works if I keep it plugged in all the time.
The first reaction most people have when someone confronts them over their hoarding is pretty similar. No one wants to admit they have too much stuff.
And you genuinely believe it… until you bring all the boxes out. You look at the neverending pile of clothes lying on your living room floor and feel overwhelmed. It makes no sense. Where did all these things come from?
And you start remembering. All those weekend trips to the mall, that one time when you went to IKEA to get a set of glasses and left with one bag of plates, two pillows, and 4 candles, or that one time when you once again went to H&M to buy socks and got three more summer dresses.
We took our wants and transformed them into needs.
It sounds familiar because it happens to all of us. Maybe not everyone buys H&M dresses, but there are some splurges everyone has, on things we deem as ‘necessary’, when in fact, we know that’s only what we tell to ourselves to justify the buy. And that pile of clothes is the proof, so there’s no point to hide from it.
Stage Two: Anger
Why did I buy the second tea set?
I need to tell my mom to stop bringing me home decorations!
Where did this basket come from? Where am I supposed to put it now?
I never saw these boots before!
In the past 6 years, I moved 4 times. The first time, my things fit nicely into two large suitcases. The second time, I asked a friend to bring a car and help me out. The third time, I had to carry all the stuff I owned by making 4 trips.
The fourth time, I called in the professionals. They brought me 3 tones truck to fit all the stuff I had in my 258 sq ft apartment (24 sq meters). Sounds like a tiny space, but once I started piling things up in the closet, it got a life of its own. During the last move, I rediscovered so many objects I had no idea I still had.
I never felt so overwhelmed in my life. The task of finding a place for everything seemed like a neverending dread.
In the beginning, you have patience and try your best. But after a while, you feel like opening the window and throwing everything away, or stuffing it all under the couch. It will do the trick for a few days, but it’s nothing but a band-aid for a bigger problem.
Anger at this point is normal. You get to feel pissed, and there’s nothing wrong about it. Embrace the feeling and let it sink. But next time when you go on a shopping spree, remember this and make mindful choices.
Stage Three: Bargaining
This I can use next time when my parents are in town.
I should keep onto this since it cost a lot of money.
I look amazing in this dress! Maybe I can wear it at Karen’s wedding next year. I hope her boyfriend proposes this summer.
After Marie Kondo’s first book was first released in 2015, a key phrase carved itself a spot on the list of the most used idioms. ‘Does it spark any joy?’ Marie Kondo asked. These five magic words are meant to play a big part in your decluttering journey. They should help you decide what stays and what goes. After making a big pile of things on the floor, you pick the objects up, one by one. And if it’s not sparking any joy, it needs to go.
But many may find the method not too lucrative, especially if hoarding it’s a long time problem, or if you think of your objects as having emotional meaning. In the 2019 NYTimes article The Unbearable Heaviness of Clutter, Dr Joseph Ferrari, professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago, has a different approach:
“If you’re going to declutter, don’t touch the item. Don’t pick it up,” he said. “Have somebody else hold the pair of black pants and say, ‘Do you need this?’ Once you touch the item, you are less likely to get rid of it.”
Call in help if needed. Get the most sincere friend you have to come over, and ask for their feedback. They will tell you if there’s no way you will fit in those washed off jeans ever again, or if you are silly by holding on to your high-school notebooks. Clinging to objects will not bring you back in time.
Stage Four: Depression
All these things used to be…. money?
You will most likely not cry about your possession. But you will be very disappointed to see how many useless things you own, especially since they are no longer a good fit into your current lifestyle.
Canadian writer Cait Flanders published ‘The Year of Less’ in 2018, a book inspired by her search of a more meaningful life, after paying an insane 30,000 of consumer debt, decluttering 70% of her belongings, and going into a one-year shopping ban, which will allow her to buy almost…nothing.
Cait did over 100 interviews to promote her book, and one of the most popular questions she got was: “Do you regret throwing any of your stuff?”. The answer is always NO. She wasn’t regretting anything. The reality was that she couldn’t even remember what those objects were. And neither will you.
Stage Five: Acceptance
OK, bring me the Trash bin.
You made it. After a long emotional journey, you decided to divorce your belongings and reclaim back your house and mental clarity. Here are some options:
- Donate: find a local charity to give away your quality and functional items you no longer need in your house. Someone’s trash can be someone’s treasure.
- Sell: trying to get some of your money back is a smart move. Try to sell off your most expensive pieces, especially designer clothes or furniture. But don’t postpone this to next week. If you don’t list your objects within 48h, the chances are you will never will.
- Recycle: avoid throwing things away in the landfill. Make an effort and separately collect the things you no longer want lying around. Get them to a recycling centre within the next 24h.
What’s Next?
Wunderman Thompson’s Intelligence report The Future 100 initially released in early Jan 2020 calls Anti-Excess Consumerism as a trend that’s quickly rising. From influencers saying no to free products and going into MakeupRehab, to people choosing to buy pre-owned and second-hand clothing instead of hoarding fast-moving pieces, there is a way out.
Rising generations are buying with less frequency and more mindfulness, creating a better model for consumerism.
You can avoid going getting slurped back right in the insatiable shopping pattern, which slowly becomes an “outdated relic of the 20th century”, by placing more importance on the impact of your behaviour on the environment, your wallet and house, and state of mind by acknowledging compulsive buying tendencies.
Identify new activities which can replace shopping: spend time with family and friends, be more around nature, or find a hobby that will not require trips to the mall.
