Trump Campaign Announces New Slogan
To: All campaign staff
Re: New campaign slogan
Dear Warriors for DJT:
I couldn’t be more excited to share with you our first steps on our new and improved path to a Trump presidency.
First, please note the official name change for the campaign. No longer will we be known as Trump for America, but instead, we are now America for Trump. Our leader, Donald J. Trump, believes this better reflects our messaging priorities, and who are we to disagree?
Also, note that it is “America” for Trump, not “Americans.” “Americans” for Trump implies that we are a collection of individuals brought together by our support of Donald Trump, and as difficult as this may be to believe — since he is doing really tremendously well with all the groups — “Americans” implies there may indeed be some Americans who are not supporting Mr. Trump.
“America” for Trump demonstrates that the entire country — not only its citizens, but its purple mountain majesties, its amber waves of grain, its fruited plain, and all that other ya ya — believe that Donald Trump is the only person capable of waking our slumbering nation from its long national nightmare.
It also implies that the actress, America Ferrera, supports Mr. Trump, which will help appeal to Latino voters.
Additionally, we are pleased to announce our new campaign slogan. While “Make America Great Again” has proven to be an excellent platform from which to launch the unique vision of Donald J. Trump, we believe that a fresh message reinforcing the core principles of America for Trump will carry us to victory on election day in November.
Our new slogan is: “Trump! Fuck Yeah!”
The following procedures should go into effect immediately.
- Surrogates speaking on behalf of the America for Trump campaign are required to wear, “Trump! Fuck Yeah!” hats while on camera. Make sure to work in that hats are available at trumpfuckyeah.com, and there are discounts for bulk orders of 100 or more.
- At the conclusion of every interview, surrogates will be required to close their remarks with “Trump! Fuck Yeah!” Ex.
Interviewer: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us.
Surrogate: You’re very welcome. Trump! Fuck Yeah!
- At all campaign rallies, rather than “USA! USA! USA!” “Lock her up!” or “Hang the bitch!” crowds will be exclusively encouraged to shout, “Trump! Fuck Yeah!” It should be done in a trisyllabic metrical rhythm with all three words stressed, and a slight pause between “Trump!” and “Fuck Yeah!” Ex. “Trump” (pause) “Fuck Yeah!”
- Rather than ending with “I’m Donald Trump and I approve this message,” all campaign ads will close with voiceover saying, “Trump! Fuck Yeah!”
We are aware that this will put Mr. Trump in violation of both Federal Election Commission and Federal Communication Commission laws, regarding election disclosures and obscenity respectively, but when Mr. Trump becomes president, and is able to end the war of political correctness once and for all, he will rescind his own fines.
Fuck yeah! He will.
And finally, make sure to practice “Trump! Fuck Yeah!” until saying it in proper order and with appropriate gusto is second nature. While “Fuck Yeah! Trump!” may be an acceptable substitute, anyone caught saying, “Yeah! Fuck Trump!” will shortly be hearing “You’re fired!”
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