STARWARS AND GENDER WARS.
an epic..hypothetic..witty..could be controversial..might get me arrested tale.
JANUARY 2nd 2037.
"Hey AJ, how’s your assignment going, I haven’t written anything, have you?
We have to submit tomorrow and I’m stuck in this stupid hospital. HELP!!??😥😦😦😧😭"
Angela sighs loudly as she slams her phone on her thigh; Two women turn at her, she identifies how loud her sigh must have been. She’s had to wait for her mother at the hospital reception for 2 hours; it’s felt like 2 hours. “Oh my God mum” she silently speaks, “what are you doing?”.
Angela’s not a big fan of hospitals, she abhors it. "smells like death", she always says.
The hallowing halls, the muted televisions, blank faced people walking around and equally zombie’d people sitting down.
Hearing her mother’s voice from a distance felt like a bright light flashing in a dark room. Her mother’s voice gets louder as she descends the stairs, she just finished making jokes with the nurses and is laughing out so recklessly it’s disturbing the depression in the atmosphere. "she’s happy, her pregnancy result must have been positive", Angela thinks to herself as she stands up getting ready to leave the sick place.
"Angie! Guess What!", Her mother screams to the disgust of Angela as they get to the car, "Really?” Angela exclaims, “Mom just say it". Coincidentally, not too long ago, Angela had tweeted about how she despises people that say "guess what!". "You have a Sister!", Her mother shouts with her hand slightly open, expecting a hug or at least a reaction from her gloomy daughter. "can we go home now?", Angela droned before going back to tweeting.
Angela is irked by her mother’s sedulous pursuit of another daughter, it made her feel threatened; her mother’s disappointment for the past 2 years has been joy for her.
This announcement made Angela resent the ADAM® programme even more. Which, according to her, is a technology created by a bunch of "know-it-all" Japanese women, who saw an opportunity to profit from the extinction of men. They popularized an invention capable of producing functioning spermatozoa without the male species or the male sexual organ, a system they devised without a clear explanation of what it really is or how it works. It also gives women the chance the choose the size, nose, eyes, colour and a load of other characteristics they would want in the resulting fetus; a voodoo Angela didn’t understand exactly. Although growth and development can change the features with time (they are yet to perfect it).
Angela’s mum has tried to explain the process to her, she used the exact words the doctors used when they “created” Angela for her. she barely understood or heard what her mother was trying to pronounce and by the look of it, neither did her mother. Predictably, The company has made billions from women around the world, pushing aside Apple, Microsoft etc as the most valuable company; capitalism in evolution..."everyone wants to be a parent after all" Angela says to herself as she brings out her note to work on her school assignment, she’s writing a piece on the fall of the male gender and the rise of the Divine Woman.
JANUARY 2nd 2017.
THE FALL OF THE MALE GENDER AND THE RISE OF THE DIVINE WOMAN
a report by Angela Ayomikun adeniyi.
“Freedom of speech and the influence of social media”
On the 2nd of January 2017, a brave, outspoken, strong-willed, virtuous and SUGABELLIED woman called for the mass execution of men in this infamous Twitter post.
men chuckled and retweeted; some women laughed too. the joke got sour when a man beat up his wife for giving him rice without stew. She had found out he forced himself on her junior sister that day. She retributed to the beatings by stabbing him with a kitchen knife; taking his life.
She was arrested following her action, The media outrage and the rallying of women for her release was well voiced. #VictimNotMurderer trended for months on all social media platforms, but, she never got her freedom and died from an undisclosed illness in prison months later (Rumours had it she was killed by the wardens).
This was the last straw for all women, they were not going to take it anymore, they felt their patience was long overdue. the incident inspired supporters of the INFAMOUS TWEET, women started going as far as calling for the killing of male babies.
On the 16th of December 2019, the bill was signed. Women were permitted to take law into their own hands with reasonable cause. in this case "reasonable cause" being: unless it is a case of self defense and if the man is guilty of practicing or promoting misogyny, demeaning women, inflicting pain on women and bending situations to favour his own gender.
Men being men (permit me) started Fucking up the very day the bill was passed.
Plenty men were killed within weeks, some were beaten heavily. Men started conforming, (behaving themselves); they learned to respect women and treat them as equals.
the system worked for sometime. Until the law was abused and loopholes were found; women started beating men for being less than 6ft tall, not having enough beard, slut-shaming, calling it MANslaughter when it was a woman that was killed, asking for anal, …
The bizzare headlines kept showing up in blogs.
It was a Holocaust.
14th August 2021,
Men tried fighting back and killed lots of women too, things went out of control, it became a World War. (you thought worldwar3 would have a different plot didn’t you?)
The men killed women and the female army was formed on the 17 of December 2021. the rebellion of the men became a problem for the female army; as the resistant Men multiplied in numbers seemingly everyday. The women devised a plan and decided to deprive all men of sex "MEN VALUE SEX, MORE THAN WOMEN DO" or so they thought.
The BRAVE men stayed vigilant for 2 weeks, before dropping their weapons and went back home to their wives, girlfriends and whomever does the magic for them.
The STRONG men stayed a month and some days before succumbing.
The GAY men never went back. They stayed together and kept on fighting with the female army for another 2 years.
On the 5th of April 2025. the women and gay men joined forces against men after coming to an agreement that men have been scum to both parties, the gay men dropped their allegiance to men and took their arms against them. Thus, the tide of the war fatally changed hands.
2nd October 2027. col. Margaret Cornwall announced on all broadcast networks across all countries and continents that the last man has been killed, confirming the death of Pharrell Williams and the Eradication of the much hated gender from the earth and the end of the war.
In the famous words of the the only Queen we acknowledge
Who runs the world?