Madness or Not

The madness has its seething hand surrounding my throat choking the very breath from me. I can feel the overwhelming weight of the world crush my body like boulder to a rose. I smell its faint breath seeping up my nose and filling my lungs with each breath. I can barely hold myself steady as I become this madness's toy.

My heart races thumping heavy against my chest. It sounds like a thousand soldiers ready to storm a single room. I feel the sun start to batter down on me, I turn my head from its obnoxious glare, I quickly close the shades. The sun ignores everything I say. I care not for warmth just leave me alone. But still the sun annoyingly tries to make its way through the crack of my shades.

My head starts to sputter thoughts and words like an old rusted engine. I faintly am able to make out what thoughts I am boring. I try to speak words through my dry quivering lips, I wish for help, but they sound of nonsense. And even when I complete a word clear enough to understand, its but a word of curse. Am I truly going mad?

I fall to the ground on my back from my feet. My body pulls me into a tight ball. I feel sweat begin to pour from my skin like a Georgia summer day. This madness that is trying to proclaim me feels no pity for me. It feels no regret as it pulls my soul from one limb to the next like children fighting over a doll.

I feel myself screaming but I cannot hear it. Have I gone deaf?! Am I crossing into deaths cold grace, am I falling into its abyss of hollowed trees? The room begins to shrink, never have I felt claustrophobic till now. Its unnerving, the room strangles my air along with madness. They play me like strings on a guitar. Strumming me to find the right tone of note. My jaw clenches tightly, I almost bite off my own tongue.

Is that music I hear? I hear a faint melody playing in the distance, it sounds of 50’s swing. What is this madness I am being consumed by? What hell has taken me from my joyous ride of life. This madness, does it know of no pain, does it not feel any sense of remorse for the coarse discomfort it brings upon me?

The music grows louder as my body starts to contort like something possessed. I stretch out fully like a pencil, stiff and rigid. Suddenly my body pushes one leg to one side and the other to the other side. I am now stretched to the floor as if ready for the motion of jumping jacks. My head begins to twist left to right, right to left, my teeth start to grind, I cannot stop!

I hear whispers between the music and agony. Like quiet gossip in school yard I want to ignore it but I cant help but listen. What words were these whisperers exchanging? Were they talking of me, how foolish I am, how egotistic I am must be to think I can get away with this again? What is it they wish me not to know? Their little whispers nibble at my ears. I feel them resting on the tips of my ears dancing, enjoying the quenching torture they ingest to my mind. I think what sick twisted hearts these whispers must have. Do they not see the tangled misery I am in? What evil they must be born of.

Suddenly I no longer feel anything, everything seems to calm, a lull of silence falls upon the room. My eyes dry from the sweating and heated temperature of the room. My tongue sticks to the roof my mouth like tissue paper. I crave for water but cannot move.

I look around the room and I see nothing but the room itself, no furniture, just four walls and my window with the shades drawn. What is this, what is this madness that is after me?

Suddenly my stomach draws sharp and I hurl my body up, and in that motion I feel my throat tighten. I am now on my hands and knees, my head begins to jerk slightly. My neck grows tense for a moment, and there I spew from my vile stomach a putrid liquid. Its stench smells of rotting flesh tossed to trash. I see it spill upon the carpet slowly being absorbed. The colors of red and green mix, and for some reason I think how can such colors collide so well in such a moment? Pollock would be so proud.

Then I heave a few more puddles of this retched rejection. After my stomachs runs dry I fall to my side, curl up and ignore the fact I am laying in my own guts. My face lays in my vulgar puddle from which I produced. I let off a small smile as I look around and stare at myself in my mirror. I smile because I am passed the worst part of all.

I smile because I cant but help laugh at the pathetic mess I have left myself in. Slowly I begin to feel my body come back, I feel tingles throughout my body like little pins. My body becomes loose and my visions of my room are no longer empty.

I feel a sense of relief. I then push myself up off the floor as my right hand pressing eagerly into my vomit I lift it and wipe it on my leg. I start crawl to my desk like an ill animal of some sort and I can feel my body unwillingly shake. It shakes tremendously for something, I know what that something is but I am too afraid to say.

I reach my desk and exhaustively reach one hand up and on my desk and fiddle my hand blindly around to find my phone. I knock a few things from my desk but I continue to search for my phone. Finally I find it and grasp my shaking hand around it. I pull it from the desk and fall once again to my side.

I turn the screen on and swipe ever so pathetically through my contacts. My eyes are burdened by the light from my phone. I squint as I finally reach the contact I need. I press the call button and I feel a pit consume my stomach as I listen to the other end ring……“ring….ring…ring”…a calm stern voice answers….

”Yes.”……

With a weak body I reply ”I did it again.”….

The voice replies in a manner of knowledge to the situation….”Stay where you are and do not call anyone else.”