How To Foster Independence In Kids Under 3

Big Little Minds
Jul 30, 2017 · 4 min read

We all want our kids to be independent. They are so tiny and reliant on us when they are born, and soon we find ourselves looking forward to the time when they will be able to sit by themselves, then crawl. Before we know it they are walking and much sooner than we wished, running.

We love to see them doing new things until they start doing everything without us, and then we want them to be babies again. But we can talk about that another time.

For now, let’s just talk about the reason why we should be proud of their independence and encourage them to be responsible from a very young age.


The argument for fostering independence in our children is based on the fact that it increases their confidence. Psychologists believe that for children to grow confident they need to be:

  • Praised for specific actions – not traits. Try “You are very helpful, you did a great job with your toys this morning” instead of “You are very organised”
  • Encouraged to take (calculated) risks
  • Made to feel that you trust them
  • Able, most importantly, to see their own skills into action to believe they are capable of doing certain things

I believe that these important skills can be taught from a very young age. We have been implementing some of these ideas since our son started crawling and I believe we’ve had great success. Although he is very attached emotionally to us and will still ask us to do many (many,many,maaaany) things for him, he surprises us at least once a day by doing something on his own that shows us he is learning and that his confidence is growing.

Based on our experience so far, I have created a list of activities or actions you can start getting your kids to do from the time they start crawling until they reach three.

For crawlers and walkers up to 18 months

Encourage them to reach for their toys

Try to get them to crawl to you when they want to be picked up

Give them the opportunity to walk places, like the shops, even if for just 5 minutes

From 18 to 24 months

Support them to take their own clothes off before a bath – socks are easy to start with, then pants and shirts

Let them eat with cutlery by themselves even if it’s a bit messy at first

Ask them to tidy up after playing (make it easy by having a big bucket where they can just throw stuff)

Get them to bring their bottle or milk cup back to the kitchen

Encourage them to walk to the shops – they will probably be able to handle 10 minutes or more at a time. You can give them something very light to carry in a bag, so they feel that they are helping

From 24 months

Get them involved in the cooking (safe activities only). My 2 year old loves to peel eggs and to help dry the dishes

Allow them to take their own shoes off when entering the house

Give them the opportunity to take off or put on coats/pants/shirts by themselves – it will probably be a struggle at first, but they will get better and better

Ask them to peel their own fruit: bananas and clementines are good as a start

Encourage them to help with the cleaning of the potty after use

Help them check their bag after nursery to see if there are any dirty clothes to be washed

Teach them to bring empty plates back to the sink (plastic plates work best for this)

The amazing thing about toddlers is that they love to help. Many times my toddler has had tantrums and I had no idea why, until I figured out that all he wanted was to feel helpful. Obviously I’m not advocating you exhaust your child by giving them lots of physical work. I’m talking about gentle activities that will help them learn about responsibility and independence. I hope you find these ideas useful.

xxx

E

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Big Little Minds

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Looking for ways to make kids happier. Happy kids, happy life

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