Anyway, I wanted to post that video to facebook with a caption describing how much I love it. Such severe modification. Such a lovely man, in his own way. Some people like this guy would really go for a lot of attention, but I don’t think that’s why he did this to himself. Why did he? What’s weird shit is he involved in? What’s his world like? In some ways this video is the opposite of Cara Delevigne’s — I assume he’s rather lower-class (vulgar accent, coarse humor, punctured), and she’s obviously super-upper (posh accent, aristocratic sense of humor, healthy).

But then I was worried about what people would think. No one I know posts shit like that. It’ll scare the kids!

And that fear seeps into my self-image and causes me to self-censor. Because I think of social abnormality as “wrong” in some sense, I start to think that the things I like are wrong. What I’m afraid of is that people know that I like stuff like this, because I think I’ll be unfairly judged. I don’t know why I’m so terrified of judgement.

The internet makes me scared to be myself and like what I like.