This Does Not Work For Me Anymore
“Most of us have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”
Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
“This does not work for me anymore.” Bill Todd
I sat in a regular Monday meeting, the same type of Monday ministry meeting that I have sat in for 20 years.
Four faux leather chairs forming a square. A squat coffee table in the middle. Square windows overlooking manicured lawns. Decoration in the Christian/casual/corporate vibe, where we do serious business in our flip flops and non-ironic tshirts.
For 20 years I had sat in these same offices, in the same megachurches, having the same conversations regarding numbers and participation and programs and organizational processes.
Which volunteers are leading or not leading…
Who’s on board with The Vision? Who is not on board with The Vision?
Things that I knew were helpful and fun and desired by the congregation.
However, while I always had a title of Pastor, there was very little pastoral work being done.
I was only ever evaluated or paid on the number of programs, and the number of butts in the seats of those programs.
Programs that I knew from experience were not healing people. Processes and programs that were not changing lives, or turning people’s hearts toward God.
And I had to say the truth, because the prospect of my own soul collapsing under the repetitive weight of NO LIFE CHANGE finally overcame the paralyzing fear of losing my livelihood — of losing my whole identity.
So I said the seven words.
“This does not work for me anymore.”
And I did not die. I thought that I might. But I didn’t .
What do you know about that?
I found out something.
Fear is an impotent liar.
So if I may ask, what are the words that you fear might kill you?
Here’s a hint — they won’t.
Maybe you just need a safe place to test run them.
Pushing past fear in pursuit of your unique life has become focus of all of my work as a Spiritual Director.
Creating a place to connect with other kindred souls, who desire healing and real life change and want to see their dreams become reality.
I do a lot of things. I continue to serve as a spiritual director for individuals. I lead groups. I speak and consult in both corporate and church settings. I lead retreats. But for this season, I want to focus here. There are a lot of us in this same boat, aware that there is an un-lived life inside of us, but paralyzed by the prospect of doing something about it.
That’s cool, I’ve been there, and still with it every day.
What is the dream the liar Fear is trying to starve out of you?
What do you need to do to act on the dream before it dies?
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