An Open Letter to the Government: “How the fuck am I supposed to live on minimum wage & enjoy ice cream at the same time?”

So yesterday I went to the supermarket for my roommate. She wanted some ice cream and didn’t want to go get it. I just enjoy making occasional runs to anything that remotely satisfies the department store junkie in me. So I run to the supermarket with her credit card, plus I also needed to purchase some cat liter and toilet paper for our vaginas and shitty asses. The specific ice cream she demanded for was EDY’s Rocky Road, I personally as well love this ice cream, my mom passed it down to me as if it were an inheritance and it will stick to me till the day I croak. She said it was on sale for $2.99, I thought to myself ‘great that ice cream usually does cost around $5, not too bad two dollars off.’ So I go to the supermarket thats just two blocks down from my 2 bedroom, lower east side apartment and i decide to grab the cat liter first. since the entrance was closer to the aisle with the cat liter, then I proceeded to grab the toilet tissue, and ended up in the last aisle, lé freezer aisle to scoop up the ice cream. First of fucking all, the ice cream itself was a hassle to get, because they overstuffed the damn freezer for who knows what reason, and all the crappy flavors were upfront. So for about two minutes I was pushing back the plain Jane’s vanillas, until I came across one Rocky Road deep in the Himalayas. “Yes mission accomplished” I thought to myself. I walked my merry ass to an open cashier and placed my items down on the thingy mat that fucking moves. Technology these days, moving the groceries/items closer to the cashier but they still have to grab it to bag it. She scans lé liter, $3.99, she scans lé ass paper $1.39, she scans lé Rocky Road $6.99… SIX MOTHERFUCKING NINETY NINE!! Damn near $7 for an ice cream, round it up to the nearest tenth, basically 10 mother freaking dollars for some chocolatey goodness with marshmallows and w e nuts it has in it. THE FUCK! I paid for it, although it wasn’t my money, it still hurt my chest as i swiped the credit card. So I got to my apartment, and told my roommate that the ice cream was $7 and she was a little butthurt but still wanted the ice cream after I offered to return it. The funny thing is that the ice cream is so got damn good that it can be eaten in one sitting. So you’re supposed to tell me that ice cream is a fucking luxury now. I can’t have ice cream everyday because maybe if i do, it’ll be my only fucking meal. So hypothetically speaking, I work this crappy ass retail job, I get paid about $300 every 2 weeks. Thats $600 per month, my rent is about $1500 shared between two individuals and a cat, not including utilities, my luxurious iPhone 6s telephone bill $180 and the food I have to indulge to stay alive. OH and i didn’t mention my student loans, shout out to Sallie Mae and just motherfucking America for charging people for wanting to better themselves. My $600 is gone, I barely paid rent, I can’t use my luxurious iPhone because guess fucking what I cant pay lé phone bill, I have no lights to even remotely charge my electronics, so I can’t even hop on the free wifi provided by a relative and why am I even worrying about my iPhone at this point, I’m fucking starving, & about to not have a home because of my minimum wage paycheck. So America how is one to fucking live?

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