3 Considerations for Your Parent Profile
Rushing to create an adoptive parent profile before you’ve educated yourself on your own adoption preferences can lead to hurt feelings on both sides down the road.
It may seem incredibly overwhelming to have to create an adoptive parent profile of yourself, and then hope an expectant parent chooses you. It almost feels like online dating in a sense — will an expectant parent choose you based on your looks, or turn you down just because of one wrong word?
The important thing to remember is to just be yourself, and to make sure you understand your own feelings and preferences about the adoption. Here are a few ways to get started:
1. How open are you willing to be in the adoption relationship?
Deciding what level of openness you are willing to have in the adoption is one of the most important decisions you will make as part of your adoption process, because it’s one of the biggest factors an expectant parent looks at when reviewing profiles. If you just say what the expectant parent wants to hear, you will most likely end up with broken promises and broken hearts down the road.
To educate yourself on the different options, we recommend researching articles on open versus closed adoptions, reading personal blog posts on openness, or watching videos of birth parents talking about what level of openness they had with their adoption. Really sit down and decide what you can commit to as a family before promising anything.
2. Are you open to transracial adoption?
Transracial adoption can be a beautiful thing, though it presents a few challenges of its own. For example, how will you react when nosy people in the supermarket ask you, “Where did you get that child?” How will you teach your child about their culture? Is this something you are committed to working with in your family? Are you willing to teach them about their heritage and to celebrate themselves?
To start your education on whether you’re open to transracial adoption, we recommend watching an amazing video on Netflix called Closure, which follows an adult adoptee who was adopted transracially in her search for her birth parents. You can read an awesome interview about transracial adoption with adoptive mom, Kaylee. We also recommend articles by Rage Against the Minivan and The R House, blogs that are written by really amazing adoptive moms who are currently raising children adopted transracially.
3. Have you talked to other people who’ve been through the adoption process?
Joining online groups or forums with all members of the adoption triad is a fantastic way to get questions answered, as well as to learn about real-life experiences. You may find it helpful to meet others in your area who have also adopted so you have someone close by to lean on in the good and bad times. Binti also provides fantastic support for our couples, where you can call or email and ask us questions about the process. We have a fantastic staff waiting to help you through the process.
Overall, just remember to keep an open mind and heart about the adoption process. Adoption is a journey, one that truthfully never ends. Right now it is the waiting, then it is meeting the birth parent, then the adoption, then parenting. You will always need to educate yourself on what is happening now and what is happening next. If you lead with love, you will succeed.