These past weeks I have been feeling demotivated, overwhelmed, lost, and whatnot. I went from a hundred to zero. I started AltSchool Africa with a lot of excitement and enthusiasm. It’s just the second semester. So why am I feeling like this? Why can’t I get it right? Others are doing fantastic stuff. Why am I still here? I wanted a structure, so why do I feel like I have not grown? Maybe I have, but why at such a slow pace? I don’t want to start over, but I am still not moving forward… Is this burnout? Or imposter syndrome? Or low self-esteem? I still can’t figure that out.
While all of this is happening, why do I have to fall sick now? I am already way behind. I can’t afford to be sick now. Then I remembered emotional stress triggers my sickle cell crisis more. So now I have to focus on health and get better asap. Oh yeah, the fact that I live with sickle cell? That’s a story for another day.
There I was, scrolling through the learning management system (LMS) of AltSchool Africa, panicking over the amount of work and content I needed to cover. Then I saw a video titled let’s catch up by Rachel Onoja. You usually can’t access content if you have not completed the previous one, but this one was accessible.
Watching that video has made me realise how far I have come, how dedicated and resilient I have been, that it’s okay to fall behind and that it will all be worth it in the end. Yeah, it also reminded me of a quote my mum once told me that has always guided and kept me committed.
“Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well” - Philip Stanhope
I know this is probably a lot. Even Grammarly is worried for me, lol. But this is me coming out of my shell. I gave this a lot of thought, and I probably won’t publish this if I continue that. My eldest brother told me, “you don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great”.
So yeah, is this a safe space?
